Darkness
by phoenixgirl26
Summary: Harry wakes the morning after the death of Voldemort to the realisation that his life was now in darkness.
1. Chapter 1

Warning: gay sex, details of rape, talk of child abuse, strong language.

Chapter one

Even though everyone was tired, the minister for magic needed answers and those had to come from Harry Potter and his friends. So after having something to eat and some hot chocolate, Harry, Hermione, Ron and Kingsley followed Minerva McGonagall to her new office.

With the help from Albus Dumbledore's portrait and the memory that belonged to Severus Snape, Harry, Hermione and Ron explained everything. They explained what happened when they were away, how they had been taken captive and exactly what happened at Malfoy Manor. Harry explained about everything that took place in the forbidden forest. Harry also gave his own opinion on a few things but he knew it really wasn't up to him to decide these things, that would be up to the new minister. Harry just hoped they got decent and caring people to run their world now and not idiots or anyone dark, but also people that didn't only think about themselves, but thought of everyone. The three friends didn't leave out one bit of information because they knew an official statement would have to be released and Harry at least knew that Kingsley would be honest, plus he would leave out the parts that Harry asked him too.

Harry sat wearily on one of the chairs to see if there were any more questions but all he saw was sadness on Minerva McGonagall's face and concern on Kingsley Shacklebolt's face. Even his friends looked concerned.

'If there isn't anything else, I'm really knackered. I thought I'd go find somewhere to sleep.'

'If you give me a few minutes Mr. Potter, I get a room ready for you. Why don't you wait here until I come back to get you. Mr. Weasley, what about you and Miss Granger?'

'Dad said we're heading back to Muriel's for a few days. I told him we needed to explain, so he's waiting in the great hall for us.'

'Alright, then why don't you head out, you look exhausted?'

Hermione and Ron stood up, 'Harry, see you in a couple of days.'

'When you're at the Burrow, let me know. But after I get some rest I'm going to find my own place so make sure you let your parents know I won't be staying there.'

'I always knew you'd do that and you like time alone. We'll see you soon mate.'

After his friends and professor left, Harry stood and stretched which made him wince at all the aching muscles.

'That took more courage than anyone could possibly have,' Kingsley said softly.

'Not really Kingsley, I just wanted it finished. I don't think I could have kept going like that, always wondering when he would strike next, always having to stay in hiding, always knowing I could die at any time. I really don't care about dying, it was the waiting for it and I didn't want all of you to die.'

'Why wouldn't you care about yourself?'

'It's like I had a death sentence hanging over my head from the moment I was born. But think of it this way as well, my life has been anything but good, not as a kid and not over the last seven years. I really just wanted it all to end, one way or another, I just figured it would have been me to die in the end.'

'We all had faith in you Harry, Albus said you could do it we just had to trust you. I know it pissed me off that you wouldn't tell us what you were doing. As order of the phoenix members, we all worked together, but Albus didn't want you to explain anything. I understand now of course, it was a good decision by Albus to keep all that to the least number of people possible.'

'Yeah,' Harry sighed, then lifted his glasses and rubbed his eyes, 'I know none of you were happy about this, but it was too dangerous. Merlin Kingsley, what if I didn't watch that damn memory? You know I never intended to, I hated him and wanted nothing to do with him, not even his memories.'

'Then why did you?'

'I came here to get some advice from him,' Harry jerked his head towards the portrait of Albus Dumbledore, 'He wasn't here, none of the portraits had anyone in them. I was desperate, so I figured what could it hurt. But I also wondered why he would give me anything. He'd still be here otherwise, we'd still be fighting, dying and nothing would have stopped it,' Harry rubbed his eyes again then rubbed his neck, 'I'm so sick of all this, of him, of this world, of magic, of everything. Maybe it might be best for me to just leave.'

'No Harry, it wouldn't help with the way you're feeling, nothing will except some time. You've just gone from a dangerous, tense, stressed and hectic life to nothing, all in a space of a few seconds. You need to de-stress and you need rest then you'll be able to cope with everything, especially the bit of knowledge that is causing you some distress, which is understandable.'

'Maybe,' Harry moved around the circular office and stood staring down into the pensieve, 'I've seen things that will live with me forever, I really don't know how to deal with anything.'

'You will my young friend, if you give yourself some time to rest and heal. I'm not just talking about healing those wounds you've got, I'm talking about healing your heart and soul, people that have suffered from traumatic events for years need time when those events stop. You, being the one he was always after will need that time, a lot of time to deal with all this. You have people that care about you that can help, but what you need more than your friends, is time. Let me offer a suggestion.'

Harry turned, 'Okay.'

'Stay here for a while, help Minerva. One thing I do know about you Harry, you like to help if you can. Minerva is going to need a lot of help, so aiding her will help you.'

'I always loved Hogwarts and I can't believe how damaged it is. I didn't want this fight brought here, he found out I was here,' Harry looked around the office, 'I think I like your idea Kingsley. But what about you and the ministry, won't you need help, I could always help you.'

'I'm getting everyone I know that is honest and not any way a supporter of him to help. But if you would like to assist, I'll take it. You can't get better than the saviour.'

'Please tell me that's not really the name they've given me?'

'Sorry,' Kingsley grinned, 'Harry Potter, the saviour of the wizarding world. They know just like all of us that you didn't do anything alone, but they, like all of us know it was you that finally killed him and saved our world from having him rule over us. So even though I do know you hate the attention and hate being thought of as different, you are and the faster you accept that, the sooner you can deal with it.'

Harry sighed, 'Fine, so I'm some blasted hero to everyone, not something I wanted and I never did it for that, I did it because I had no choice. I learned long ago that my life, my decisions were never my choice, nothing much has changed has it, well, apart from the danger.'

'Mr. Potter,' Minerva stepped into her office, 'I have some quarters for you.'

'Thanks Professor,' Harry turned back to Kingsley, 'I hate asking for help, but if you get some time, can you talk to the goblins for me. I hate dealing with them and since I did destroy half the building and broke in and out, they won't be very happy with me at the moment. But I really need to get some money out of vaults.'

'I'll work it out in a few days and since you are staying here for a while, you won't need money straight away. But like all of us Harry, most haven't been near our vaults in almost a year, ever since he had control over everything. So go sleep, rest, then you'll start feeling better.'

'Let's hope I do mate,' Harry sighed, then followed Minerva down to the third floor where she showed him some quarters, 'Thanks Professor, but you look like you could use some sleep as well.'

'I am going to as soon as I finish speaking with Kingsley,' she nodded then walked off.

Harry sighed again then stepped into the room, then saw the other door, so he made his way into the bedroom, dropped his bag, stripped his clothes off, put his glasses and wand on the cupboard beside the bed and climbed under the covering, snuggled down, closed his eyes and fell into a deep and peaceful sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

The following morning Kingsley and Minerva were talking quietly at the staff table in the ruined great hall. The other staff that wasn't in the hospital wing were also sitting having some breakfast. Students and adults alike were scattered around the large room, some eating, others talking. Kingsley and Minerva saw a stag patronus walked towards him.

'Isn't that Harry's patronus?' Kingsley asked.

'Yes, he is the only person that produces a stag. It's not talking, but then again, Harry might not have learned how to get his patronus to talk.'

'I better go see if something is wrong,' Kingsley hurried from the hall and to the third floor. He knocked and opened the door to Harry's room, 'Harry, are you okay?'

'Kingsley,' Harry called from the other room, 'I need help.'

Kingsley raced into the other room, 'What's going on and why aren't you dressed?'

'Um,' Harry reached out a hand, 'I can't see anything, I couldn't find my clothes.'

Kingsley stepped over to Harry and moved his hand across his face, 'You can't see, what in the blazes is going on?'

'I don't know Kingsley, but,' Harry sighed, 'I've been walking around the room for hours, ended up making a mess, luckily I found my wand to clean up. Can you tell me where the bathroom is and my clothes?'

'Okay, let's start with the bathroom,' Kingsley took Harry's arm and led him into the small bathroom, 'I'll stay just outside the door, let me know where you're finished.'

'Thanks, then I need to see Madame Pomfrey. Maybe one of the times Voldemort dropped me on my head caused this.'

'Yes, it might be, take your time,' Kingsley pulled the door closed then sent his patronus off to Minerva and Poppy. After a few minutes he heard Harry, 'Here, let me help,' Kingsley took Harry's arm again then led him over to the bed, 'Just sit, you need more than your head healed, your body is covered in cuts, burns and bruises. So Poppy will need to see them anyway. I sent my patronus to her, she should be here any minute.'

'Kingsley, what's going on?' Minerva asked as she walked in with Poppy.

'Harry can't see,' Kingsley gestured towards Harry who was looking around the room.

'Let me take a look at you Mr. Potter,' Poppy moved towards him and started to do some healing charms over his eyes and head.

'He dropped me a few times, once I hit my head pretty hard.'

'Just let me concentrate,' Poppy said and kept her wand moving not just over his face but over his bare chest and legs, 'First take this,' she placed a potion in Harry's hand, 'That will help with the cuts and burns you have.'

Harry drank the potion, 'Thanks, but why can't I see?'

'I need you to tell me if a dark spell hit you at all.'

'Yeah, the killing curse, why?' Poppy looked at Kingsley and Minerva, shaking her head, 'You're silence is killing me here, what's going on?'

'Do you know where the killing curse hit you?'

Harry concentrated, 'No, it was too fast. I saw it coming, then nothing. Now what's going on, can you fix my eyes?'

'The spell hit your face, or more accurately, your eyes.'

'Okay, so what can you do?'

'Mr. Potter, you can never heal dark magic completely, it will always leave traces, like your scar.'

'So you're saying I'm blind, is that it?' Harry screwed up his face, but silence fell again, 'Fucking tell me, I'm blind, aren't I,' Harry yelled.

'Calm down Mr. Potter, but yes, I'm sorry.'

'Calm down, yeah, right,' Harry turned his head away from where the sounds were coming from, 'See Kingsley, more shit, it's just one thing after another, it hasn't stopped just because he's dead, I'm still fucked.'

Kingsley jerked his head to the two women to leave, then he sat beside Harry, 'We'll help, you know that.'

'No, I'll find somewhere to go. Where are my clothes?'

Kingsley placed each piece of clothing in Harry's hands and waited until he finished dressing.

'You're not getting a say in this and since you can't see, you can't fight me here. So the first thing is to show you where everything is in this room.'

Harry sagged, 'Why, after everything, why this?'

'I don't know Harry, but we'll help you adapt to this. People can learn to live with blindness, you will as well.'

'All I ever wanted was a normal life, to be like everyone else, now I can't see to dress myself. You can't help Kingsley, you've got the job of fixing our world. I won't let my friends put their lives on hold for me either. It's not bloody fair Kingsley, it's like I'm being punished or something. What have I done to deserve this?'

'Nothing, the spell hit your eyes instead of another part of you, if it did, you probably would have another scar. But as to what you said, yes I have a lot of work to do, but we can work something out. There's plenty of people that can help and there's plenty that will gladly help.'

'No, I don't want anyone to know. Blimey Kingsley, imagine if any of his supporters heard about this, I'd be helpless. So please, as a friend, don't tell the public about this. Keep it just between a few that won't tell anyone.'

'Why do you have to be so sensible and so right. Okay, the public won't know, but I will work on a few people that won't repeat this that can give you a hand until you learn what you need. I'm sure Poppy knows someone that is experienced with blind people.'

'Blind, there goes being an auror or anything else for that matter. It's lucky I'm rich,' Harry sighed, 'I'm fine, why don't you go work, you have enough to do.'

'Not until I show you around this room, that way you won't piss yourself again.'

Harry heard the humour in Kingsley's voice and even though he was angry and upset, he couldn't help smiling, then he hit some part of Kingsley, not knowing which part.

'Prat and never tell anyone about that.'

Kingsley snickered, 'I promise to never repeat that our saviour pissed himself. Now get that arse of yours up and we'll get to work.'

'Fine and when did you turn into a smart arse?'

'I always was, I just couldn't show it before. Think about it Harry, none of us could really show our true selves. This might shock you though, something personal about me that hardly anyone knows.'

'Okay, but not a lot shocks me anymore, so tell me.'

'Did you know I'm gay and I've lived with a bloke for three years?'

'No, so is he like you, dark, an auror, what?'

'You're really not shocked hearing I shag blokes.'

'No, I wasn't shocked when Dumbledore told me he was gay or when Sirius told me he was gay and I'm not even shocked that I think I'm gay, still trying to work that out though.'

'You dated Ginny, from what I heard snogged her a lot.'

'I did, but over the last few months I realised a lot of the times I was with her was a good distraction from what he was doing. I know that's not a nice thing to say, but I think that's why I dated her, it helped. Another thing, even though I never had a chance to think about all this, I had enough to deal with, I wasn't ready to deal with all the snide remarks or crude comments, that would have been distracting.'

'True and people were always talking about you and after what you told me, yes, you needed to stay focused. Now come on Potter, let's show you this room so you don't walk into things and bloody up that face of yours. Oh and think of this, no more glasses.'

'Still a smart arse,' Harry shook his head but stood up. Then Kingsley started to slowly take him around the room, showing him where everything was and more importantly how to get from the bed to the bathroom so there would be no more accidents.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three

Kingsley had his partner Glen stay with Harry and help where he could so he could work on Harry's problem along with do some work. Harry felt a bit uncomfortable at first, so Kingsley sat with Glen and they both spoke to Harry for a while until he got used to having a stranger with him and one he couldn't see.

Kingsley and Minerva apparated to the Muriel's place, they knocked and Arthur opened the door.

'By the look on your faces, something's wrong.'

'Yes, it's not dangerous though Arthur, but can we sit so I can explain?' Kingsley asked.

'Of course,' Arthur gestured for them to sit with the family at the magically extended table, 'Now what's this about?'

'Harry,' then looked over at Hermione and Ron, 'The killing curse hit his eyes.'

'At least he never got another scar, I'm sure he's happy about that,' Ron said.

'Ron, Harry woke up and he can't see, he's blind because you can't heal dark magic, not fully.'

'Oh my god, we'll need to help him,' Hermione said.

'Right now I've only talked him into letting me help him, I've got my partner Glen staying with him. But he knew I'd come speak with all of you and he said in no uncertain terms that you will not be helping. You can visit and talk like you usually do, but he won't accept any help. I'm hoping after a few days he'll change his mind. Oh and he said you won't be putting your lives on hold to help him. Man he's stubborn.'

'Bloody hell,' Ron blurted out, 'He is stubborn but this time he can be as stubborn as he wants, he's getting our help.'

'Just give him a few days, then go see him.'

'I'll help as well,' Ginny said.

'Oh, Ginny,' Kingsley said, 'I should explain something to you because you might decide not to help once you hear this.'

'He doesn't want us to get back together, does he, is it because he can't see?'

'No, it's got nothing to do with his blindness. We sat and talked for a while, after he finally calmed down that was. He asked if I was always a smart arse because he'd never seen me having fun or winding anyone up. So I told him something that I thought would shock him, it didn't. I told him I'm gay and live with my partner of three years, Glen. He said what's so shocking that Dumbledore told him he was gay and so did Sirius. That actually shocked me, learning Sirius was gay. Anyway after that Harry said he thinks he's gay, all he ever thought about before was Voldemort, never himself. After he was dead, Harry finally had a chance to do that, but I have a feeling certain things occurred to him before he just never picked up on it.'

'Damn, if it was a normal thing like another girl or him being stubborn I could have tried to fight that, but gay, that is something I can't fight. Bloody hell,' Ginny fumed, 'I'll still help him.'

'How was he before, you said he had to calm down?' Molly asked.

'Angry, upset, talking about his, sorry for this, fucked up life. He swore at Poppy as well. So after she left and Minerva left, I was able to get him to listen to me. Poppy is contacting a healer friend who deals with blind people.'

'It's strange Kingsley, but ever since I found out I was a witch, I've never seen a blind person in the magical world,' Hermione said.

'As you know most illnesses and injuries can be healed, but dark magic can't, not fully. If blindness was caused by an illness or an accident, yes it can be healed. The most we have in our world is people that are partially blind, not fully. I'd say Harry would be the first fully blind person we've ever had. That is why you would not have heard of it,' Minerva explained.

'But I just want to warn you, at the moment he's fine. When this really sinks in that it's permanent, he will get depressed. Just after you two left, we spoke for a while. Harry was talking about leaving, getting right away from all this. Our world, magic, everything, but right now he can't because he can't see. When he learns to cope with this, I'm not talking about emotionally coping, I'm talking about learning how to find his way around, how to stop putting his clothes on inside out, that's when he might finally leave, or try to.'

'He should stay at the Burrow when we head there, we could all look after him,' Molly said.

'Molly, I know you would love to mother Harry, but he doesn't need that right now. He needs to learn to live with this, so staying at Hogwarts for a while is the best thing. He's lived there for a lot of years and he does love the place. He has room to move around once he's had help finding his way around. If we can just keep his spirits up, eventually he will get out. Oh and another thing, he doesn't want the public to know. I agree with him, it could be dangerous if word of this got out.'

'How so?' Bill asked.

'If any supporters of Voldemort finds out, they could go after Harry for killing their lord and Harry would be helpless. That's one thing I'm going to help him with, so he cast his spells even though he can't see. He'll realise he can use his other senses, he just hasn't thought about all that just yet. So you see, it's safer for him and anyone around him if this is kept out of the public's knowledge.'

'It does seem to be the way with Harry, one thing after another. All he ever wanted was a calm and normal life. What about work, how will that play into this Kingsley?' Ron asked.

'Harry mentioned that, said there goes being an auror or anything else for that matter. Then he said it's lucky he's rich and in a way it is. He can take his time, he can learn how to live with this. Then he can work on what he might want to do and of course, what he might not be able to do, but that won't be for a while at least. So as Harry's closest friends and his family, give him time, then slowly offer to help.' Kingsley saw that everyone around the table understood and knew this was going to take a while, but they would be there for Harry, like they have for years.

'Even though this is all hard on you, Harry does need you, he just doesn't realise that yet. But when he does, he's not going to let any of you stop living your lives for him. So just take it slow, be a friend like always, offer help, just don't start too big and don't go on about it, let him get used to all of you being with him when he can't see. He cares for all of you he's just too upset to want many people around him seeing the way he is. One last thing before we go though, Severus survived,' Minerva saw all the shocked looks around the table, but none more than Hermione and Ron. Minerva understood as they were with Severus when they thought he died. She thought she would tell Harry's friends first before telling Harry that the man that had loved his mother, that had been helping all these years is still alive. She wasn't sure how Harry was going to take that bit of news, not after the blindness and she admitted only to herself that she was a little nervous about how Harry will react.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four

Harry was slowly walking around his room at Hogwarts. When he felt something, he would stand still and feel every part to try and recognise everything about it. After he was satisfied, he would move further around the room until he stopped at the sofa that he knew was in front of the fireplace.

'So how long have you known Kingsley?' Harry asked as he put his hand behind him before sitting down.

'Just over six years, became friends first before either of us realised the other was gay,' Glen stared over at Harry, trying to see the hero that everyone sees, 'You know I was jealous of you for a while.'

'Me, why would you be jealous of me?'

'Kingsley would leave at a moment's notice and it was always to do with you. He talked about you all the time, I could hear how much he cared about you by his voice.'

'We're friends, that's all we've ever been since I met him. Actually, the first time I met him, well,' Harry hesitated a minute, 'I felt a little intimidated.'

'I'm not that intimidating, am I Harry?' Kingsley said but Glen and Harry could hear the humour.

'That's not fair Kingsley, I couldn't see that you came in.'

'Fair, who plays fair, and you never answered me.'

'You were a little, you're a big bloke, an auror, I was a little in awe of you. I've known for years I was never going to get much taller, I'm not going to be built like you, I'll always been known as a small man.'

Kingsley sat next to Glen, 'Maybe, but you know size means nothing and I'm not being a smart arse or using sexual connotations here. Look what you've done mate, some things I've never done. Like I said to you, you went up against his worst death eaters at the age of fifteen, I never did that. The ones I went up against as a fully trained auror were basically cowards and were hopeless with a wand or never got into trouble. You escaped him more times than anyone else ever has, you weren't afraid when you faced him. Whether you were or not I have no idea, but you never showed fear. He hated you for that because everyone feared him. You had a go back no matter what he said or did. You went through pain, some that none of us will ever feel and if we did, maybe we would not have handled it like you did. So don't sell yourself short Potter.'

Harry smiled, 'Why can you always cheer me up?'

'Just my charming nature and for real, you know I don't want anything from you.'

'No, you don't and you never have. So why aren't you out working making sure we have decent people running our world?'

'Oh, is the saviour giving the minister orders now is he?'

Harry felt around until his hands found a cushion and threw it, 'I know it missed, but it makes me feel better you prat.'

'Actually you just skimmed his head,' Glen chuckled, 'Not bad for someone that couldn't see what he was doing.'

'Oh, are you going to side with him are you love?'

'Stop being a smart arse babe.'

'Yes, listen to your partner. Now tell me, what did they say?'

'Well, Hermione burst into tears and wanted to come straight here to help.'

Harry sighed, 'Even if you talked her out of it for now, it won't last long. Hermione, Ron and I might be best mates, but it's Hermione that has never deserted me. So she'll be here in a day or so.'

'Ginny wanted to come help, I told her about how your gay.'

'Oh shit, I'm going to get hexed, aren't I?'

'No, she surprised me actually. At first I could see that temper of hers coming to the surface. Then she said since it's not about another woman or being stubborn, she can't fight this. She still wants to help.'

'Maybe she realised there is nothing she could do but to accept it. What about Ron?'

'He said you can be as stubborn as you like, their helping. But they did say they'll give you a bit of time. Molly wanted you to go straight there where she could mother you.'

'That's the last thing I want no matter how I feel about Mrs. Weasley. She was bad before, treating all of us as kids, with me now, it'd be worse.'

'Yes, so I told her that's not the best thing for you right now.'

'Thanks,' Harry sighed as his head lowered, 'I want to go to the funerals, Fred's, Remus, Tonks, Colin's and Lavenders. But I don't want this known.'

'We can work something out Harry. Looking at you right now, we can't tell anything is wrong in any way.'

'So I don't look any different?'

'No, just shitty.'

'Glen, how do you make him be serious?'

'I usually threaten him with no sex until he does.'

'That would do it alright,' Harry chuckled.

'It's your turn to be a smart arse, both of you.'

'You can't always have your own way babe. Now answer Harry's question.'

'Oh, orders from my lover,' Kingsley chuckled, 'Okay, you look tired, dark circles around your eyes. You look like you've lost weight and you have this lost look about you, but no, you can't tell anything else is wrong.'

'Okay, thanks,' Harry sighed, 'Do you know when Madame Pomfrey will see that other healer?'

'No, she has contacted one, not sure what's going on with that. I'm sure Minerva or Poppy will speak with you about it. Now, first Gringotts is sorted, they are so pissed at you, but I got them to see sense before I blackmailed them.'

'Oh blimey Kingsley, what did you do?'

'Nothing serious, just threatened to let everyone know that they weren't going to allow you access to your vaults, the hero who won the war. Then I told them that everyone will close their vaults and the ministry will open its own bank.'

'Oh that's not playing fair babe, goblins love running our money.'

'I know and that's why I knew they would back down, which they did.'

'Okay, even though I don't want this hero shit Kingsley, it worked. But how am I supposed to get money out of my vault, I can't see?'

'First, Kreacher, Ron and Hermione explained more about him. So if you think he's okay, being your house elf, he can do business on your behalf. You just have to give him clear orders on what he can and can't do.'

'He's really different from what you saw Kingsley and I hate the thought of giving him orders. That's why I agreed with Dumbledore and told him to come here and work with the other house elves. The thought of owning him, like a slave,' Harry shuddered, 'I don't like that.'

'No, and at the time you couldn't free him because of what he'd been overhearing from the order. But right now Harry, he will come in handy. He can do a lot of things for you until you learn to do things for yourself. Since you don't want the public to know about this, which I do agree, we can only access certain people to help.'

'Okay, it makes sense, I'll talk to him later.'

'Don't start getting down again mate, you will learn to live with this. So try and stop those bloody dark thoughts of yours.'

'There not dark thoughts, just pissed off thoughts. I go from having the shit beaten out of me as a kid, to Voldemort, now this. It makes me fucking angry Kingsley,' Harry sighed then slumped back into the soft squishy sofa and thought about what his life was going to be like now, one of darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five

'Can we come in?' Minerva asked.

'Of course Minerva, Harry's just being his usually self, down on himself.'

'Smart arse.'

'Harry, I want to introduce you to Healer Elliot Parsons. I've known him for a long time and he's agreed to help you with this blindness and of course keep it to himself.'

Harry felt a hand on his arm, then his hand, 'Oh, um, okay, thanks Healer Parsons. Not sure what you can do though.'

'There's a lot I can do, starting with teaching you how to go about living with this blindness, living in darkness.'

'What sort of things will you teach him?' Kingsley asked.

'First will be learning about his surroundings, like making his way carefully to certain areas that he will need to frequent, like the bathroom.'

'I've done that already, showed Harry how to get from his bed to the bathroom, then had him feel everything in the bathroom so he could always know where he was and what everything is.'

'Very good minister, have you had dealings with blind people?'

'No, it just made sense and since Harry's a friend, I wanted to help.'

'Alright, well the second thing Mr. Potter is your clothes. Learning to feel when they are in the right way, not back to front so you can dress without help. That does take a lot of concentration on your part.'

'Yeah, Kingsley gave me my clothes before and I was about to put my shirt on wrong when he stopped me.'

'And you will do that a lot at first, it's only natural. One thing you really have to concentrate on is stairs. You have to learn to keep hold of the railings since you won't be able to see where you're stepping. Now after a while you will be able to go up and down stairs without holding anything, but not for a while, it would be too dangerous for you to try.'

'Well,' Harry turned his head back towards where he thought Kingsley was, 'I have been thinking of a house, like having a large one story place built. That way I won't need to worry about stairs. I figured if I got a spacious place, it would help.'

'If you can afford something like that, then yes, it would help. I could sit with you and a builder and discuss how it should be set out.'

'We're keeping this news to the minimum of people. But I'm sure we can work on some plans then I can organise for the house to be built. Would you want it in Godric's Hollow harry?'

Harry gave a small smile, 'Yes, but how did you know that?'

'Naturally you would want to live in your families town. Your father grew up there, his father and his father lived there. The Potter family has lived in Godric's Hollow for generations.'

'I never knew that, but it doesn't surprise me, I don't know much about my family,' Harry turned again hoping he was looking towards the healer, 'I was counting before, trying to memorise how many steps from one thing to another.'

'That is actually a part of what I teach. You will need to do that at the start until you are familiar with your surroundings. Right now it will be hard for you to understand, but you will learn to tap into your other senses. Your hearing will be the most important. At the moment there are six people in this room, you would not be able to tell unless they spoke. When you learn to listen you will hear the difference between the way every person breathes, shifts, walks.'

'Um, okay, it's hard to believe I could do that, especially now. I can't hear anything apart from your voice.'

'Yes, but you will. Next is your smell, that is also helpful. You will be able to learn the difference of each person you come in contact with. Right now the minister has a very deep wood smell about him, Headmistress McGonagall has an old worldly smell. You will learn to distinguish the difference so when you go up to someone, you will know who it is just from their smell.'

'Okay, well that makes sense. Hermione always wears the same perfume and I always knew when she was close by.'

'She is the young woman you have been friends with for years?'

'Yes, we're best friends and before you ask, everyone does, no she's not my girlfriend, she's Ron's girlfriend and I'm gay.'

'Well I would not have asked, your personal life is none of my concern. I am here to teach you to live with this. I do understand why you would think I would ask, I've read the stories about you, most I do not believe.'

'Most aren't true Healer Parsons,' Kingsley said, 'There hasn't been much written about Harry that is true.'

'Yes, not a nice thing for someone to have to live with. Now one thing I would like you to try right now, is touch. You will learn to feel your surroundings, feel the difference in objects and people. Like if there was someone here right now that was upset, you wouldn't know, but once you learn this you would know.'

'Okay, so touch what?'

'Since you do not know me, I could suggest your friend, the minister.'

'I don't mind helping as long as my partner doesn't mind me being touched by another man.'

'Oh he's being a smart arse again,' Harry grinned.

'I don't mind as long as Harry's hands do not go anywhere they shouldn't.'

'Now you're being a smart arse Glen.'

'Just trying to lighten the mood Harry and of course, you are the saviour. You would be very attractive to a lot more people now. But Kingsley is not one of them, he's taken.'

'Say that blasted name again and I might learn how to muggle fight.'

'You already know how to do that Mr. Potter. As I recall, I did give you a detention for using your fist on Mr. Malfoy.'

'Yeah, well he's a git and a ferret,' Harry grinned then heard a quiet snicker, 'Ah, I heard that, you remember why we call him that, don't you Professor?'

'Oh he's getting very smart now, behave Mr. Potter.'

'Okay, why ferret?' Kingsley asked.

'Crouch jr as Mad-Eye turned him into a ferret, bounced him around then stuck him down Crabbe's pants, Cedric and I were in hysterics. So we call him ferret or ferret face, he was pure white Kingsley, like his hair.'

'Oh I could just imagine the reaction from the three Malfoy's. Old man Malfoy would have liked to curse you for laughing at his son.'

'I laughed at him quite a lot, the git. Anyway, this touching thing and no Glen, my hands will not go anywhere near his family Jewells.'

'Good,' Glen grinned, 'or I might have to see what the big Mr. Potter has got.'

'Right now, not a lot, I don't even know where my blasted wand is, well, any of my wands that is. How will I learn to cast spells, not cast them, I mean to work out who or what I'm aiming at?'

'Again, that is something you will learn. Hearing and smell will come into that. So if you are ready, I'll explain about feeling the difference in people's faces so you can know what someone is feeling, anger, sadness, worried. The face shows many emotions and even if someone is good at hiding what they are feeling in their voices, there are slight and subtle differences that you will be able to feel.'

'Um, okay, Hermione always said I'm good at hiding my feelings. She could never tell when I was angry, which was a lot, well, unless the pain took over then she knew.'

The healer looked at Harry in confusion then looked at the minister who shook his head, so he realised it was one of the things that the young Mr. Potter had to keep to himself. This is something that he had heard about this remarkable young man, he had to keep a lot of secrets inside him and from a very young age.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six

'Alright, minister, if you could sit on the other side of Mr. Potter and I'll stand behind both of you and explain what I want you to do.'

Kingsley got up and sat beside Harry who turned to face him, 'Okay, let's get with the touching.'

'Behave babe or you know what won't happen.'

'He's spoken Kingsley,' Harry chuckled.

'Yes, and I know what he means.'

'Okay, Mr. Potter.'

'Harry, I really don't like anyone calling me Mr. Potter, makes me feel old.'

The healer chuckled, 'If you wish…Harry. First, just put your hands up on the minister's face,' the healer watched as Harry slowly reached out until he had his hand on his cheeks, 'Now with the tips of your fingers gently run them along his cheeks down to the sides of his mouth then stop there.'

Harry slowly moved his fingers, 'This feels strange and you need a shave Kingsley.'

'Haven't had time Potter, so behave and you're just lucky I'm letting you do this.'

'Oh, I felt that, your lips turned up, are you smirking at me?'

'Yes, I am.'

'That's exactly what I wanted you to feel Harry, so very good. Minister, if you could, try and make your face relax then I will show you a card with what I want you to do next.'

'Okay,' Kingsley scrunched his face then let it relaxed, then saw what the healer had written, so he changed his face.

'Oh, okay, I see, well, feel,' Harry gently moved his hands over Kingsley's face, right near his lips and chin, 'Pissed off, your angry.'

'Very good Harry, exactly right.'

'Let me try one,' Kingsley relaxed his face, then using his eyes he glanced at Glen before his face changed.

'Oh, okay,' Harry felt around again, 'Your lips turned slightly up, just a small amount. So you're happy, but I don't think that's it,' Harry kept feeling, 'This is hard. Your face is relaxed but smiling at the same time,' Harry scrunched his face up, the let his hands fall, 'Bloody frustrating, I have no idea.'

'What the minister did was one of the hardest for you to feel, love or affection for someone.'

'Oh, okay, it makes sense now,' Harry sighed.

'Don't give up mate, you'll get this.'

'Yeah,' Harry sighed again.

'We'll go through that more another time Harry. I just wanted to demonstrate how you can tell through touch what others are feelings, their emotions. You will do the same with objects until you can tell by touch what it is you are touching. We can work on your clothes for a while if you like?'

'Yeah, I need to do that or I'll always be wearing everything the wrong way.'

'Then I'll leave you to Healer Parsons and get to work. Now remember what I said about Kreacher.'

'I will, thanks Kingsley. But take Glen with you, I'm sure he's bored and could be doing a lot more out there than in here.'

'I could use his help right now, but we'll both be back later.'

'Okay, thanks, both of you,' Harry gave a smile in the direction of Kingsley's voice then heard the door, 'I could hear the door opening and closing.'

'Yes, and you will be able to work on hearing everything a lot clearer. So if you stand and I will lead you into your room where your clothes are, we can begin.'

'We'll wait here Harry,' Minerva said.

'Thanks Professor, Madame Pomfrey,' Harry gave them a smile then stood up. He felt the healers arm, so placed his hand on it and slowly felt him move. Harry took slow and tentative steps as he went with the healer.

'He seems in a better mood.'

'At the moment he is Poppy, but I don't think it's really sunk in that this is going to be his life. That's what I'm worried about, how he will deal with this when he does understand.'

'When are you going to tell him about Severus?'

'I was going to do it later today. But I think I'll leave it until tomorrow. Let him take all this in first.'

'Do you know if the minister has mentioned the threats against him?'

'Knowing Kingsley, he hasn't said anything and since Harry is here, he's safe. This house he mentioned, that could have enchantments placed around it to keep him safe. But I'm curious what Kingsley meant about Kreacher.'

'Who or what is Kreacher?'

'Harry's house elf, but before Albus died, he told Harry to make him come here and he's been here ever since. Harry never liked the idea of owning him, but at the time it would have been dangerous to set him free as he heard a lot of what the order were doing. But Harry said he changed and looked after him, Hermione and Ron when they were in hiding. I saw him during the fighting, he was the house elf that lead the other house elves during the fighting.'

'Actually having a house elf will help Harry. If he does get a house, at least the elf can cook and clean for him. That is one of the hardest things for a blind person to learn, cooking.'

'Yes, Kreacher could help Harry a lot, I just hope Harry will realise that he has to accept it. Not like now because he really hasn't had time to process all this. Albus told me a few times that Harry is not one to ask for help.'

'He's always had his friends help.'

'Yes, but that was them making Harry accept their assistance in anything. Hermione explained to me once that even though Harry was being tortured by Umbridge, Harry refused to tell Albus or anyone else, he was just going to put up with it.'

'That I can believe Minerva because when I was healing his cuts and burns earlier, I saw a lot of old scars, from when he was a child. So if he had to put up with that during that time, then I could understand why he would put up with anything.'

'All we ever heard was they never gave him a lot to eat or they locked him up. We never heard anything about them hurting Harry.'

'They did that quite a lot Professor,' Harry and the healer stepped back into the room, 'My uncle liked to take to me with whatever he could pick up.'

Minerva, Poppy and Elliot Parsons all stood staring at Harry because he sounded so casual about being beaten as a child. Elliot realised there was a lot more to Harry Potter than anyone knew, this to healer was the saddest he'd ever heard, which made him determined to help this brave young man.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven

Over the next couple of days Elliot Parsons kept helping Harry learn how to get around his room. He wanted Harry to memories exactly how to get from the living room to his bed, then to the bathroom without any help what so ever. He also showed Harry how to feel his clothes. But the hardest on Harry was help in the bathroom. Harry admitted to the healer that he never realised how hard it was just to do your everyday bathroom needs without sight.

Glen stayed with Harry every day, just giving him a hand with anything he might need. Kingsley stopped in quite a lot also to help, but he kept winding Harry up mainly to keep his spirits up. When everyone saw it was getting harder to do now because they realised it was finally sinking in that this darkness was going to be Harry's life, so at times he was angry and they all saw it.

Harry was sitting on the sofa wondering how he was going to stop his boredom if he couldn't see. He heard a faint knock on the door and looked towards it.

'Hermione and probably Ron.'

'How did you know?' Hermione said as she sat next to Harry.

'Your perfume, I recognised it,' Harry took a big sniff, 'Ginny, I smell flowers, she always smelled of flowers.'

'Yes, and you did tell me that one. But I'm actually impressed.'

Harry shrugged, 'And Ron, well, you smell of food, you're always eating, so that was easy to work out.'

'Oh, Kingsley said you were being a smart arse, seems he was right. I might have to get some type of aftershave, then you might smell that instead of food all the time.'

'Yeah, maybe you should. So what have you lot been doing because I don't want to talk about this.'

'Yes, another thing Kingsley said, but guess what Harry, too bad, you have to put up with our help and you can't do anything about it.' Ron said.

'Oh, you're getting bossy on me now are you?'

'Yep, so put up with it Potter.' Ron chuckled.

'Apart from learning how to smell all of us, what else have you been doing?' Hermione asked.

'Learning how to take a piss without seeing,' Harry said and his voice was hard. Ron, Hermione and Ginny glanced at each other, 'Stop with the looks will you. Think about it Ron, you being a bloke. You normally watch what you're doing, I can't, so a lot of messy starts. You girls just sit down, easy, you don't miss.'

'Please don't get upset Harry, we just want to help.'

'Sorry,' Harry slowly got up and with his hands out moved towards the fireplace, 'It's hard, harder than anything I've had to do before.'

'It probably is Harry, but you know what and it's pissing me off since now you know you're gay.'

Harry stared towards her voice, 'What?'

'It's the first time I've seen you without glasses, I can see your eyes and you're bloody cute, cuter than I thought you were and I'm out of luck.'

Harry couldn't help himself, he chuckled, 'Trying to cheer me up.'

'Yes, and it worked, but it was also true.'

'Kingsley mentioned that the healer was teaching you how to use touch.'

'Um, yeah, if you three don't mind, I could show you and it helps as well.'

'We don't mind and we want to help. So since I'm sitting, start with me,' Hermione said.

'Try not to get jealous Ron, this doesn't mean anything. It lets my mind process what you're feeling but also lets me keep what you look like in my head. It surprised me when I first did this with Kingsley, but it works. So Ron, behave when I touch your girl,' Harry slowly moved back to the sofa, felt Hermione and sat next to her. Then he reached up with both hands and using his fingertips ran them over her face, 'You laughed even if it's quiet.'

'How did you know that?' Hermione asked looking surprised.

'Now you're surprised, the touch. Before your mouth turned up and I felt a slight movement, let me know you were laughing. Then it changed and your mouth slightly opened in surprise,' Harry shrugged as he moved his hands.

'Impressive and I'm not jealous, I'm used to you touching my girlfriend. But being gay, I know nothing will happen.'

'I only ever held Hermione's hand or kissed her cheek, occasionally hugged. So yeah, there was a lot of touching actually.'

'Okay, do me next,' Ginny said and sat on the other side of Harry.

'Sorry Ginny, I don't do girls,' Harry chuckled and felt a punch to his shoulder, 'Only joking Ginny, so keep that wand tucked away,' Harry slowly put his fingers on Ginny's face, then started moving them, 'Oh still angry.'

'Smart arse Potter, but this actually tickles.'

'Sorry, but you're cut is healing, I can feel it has closed. But you've still got a bump on your forehead.'

'It looked gone to me.'

'If you feel it, then you can just tell it's there,' Harry reached down and grabbed Ginny's hand and placed her finger on the lump, 'Just with the tips of your fingers, the lightest touch, can you feel that?'

'Yes, I can, that's good Harry. But now Ron, this should be interesting.' Ginny said grinning.

'Don't look horrified Ron, I'm only touching your face, nothing else. I'll leave that to Hermione.'

'Harry,' Hermione scowled.

'No use making faces at me, I can't see them.'

'Alright, I'll do it, but keep those bloody hands off me apart from my face. I don't want you getting turned on.'

'You're not my type Ron, so you're safe,' Harry waited until Hermione moved and Ron sat down, the again put his fingers on Ron's face, 'You need a shave, there, you smiled.'

'Yep, I did. But what is this good for, apart from going up and feeling everybody's face.'

'Well as Healer Parsons explained, if you were angry but I couldn't see it, I could feel it. Some people might be able to keep their voice even so you wouldn't know, but there's always a slight difference in the face muscles. So touch and hearing are two I'm learning at the moment, but the smelling, that's easy with people like Hermione, Ginny and Professor McGonagall. Hermione's perfume, Ginny's flower smell, and Professor McGonagall has this old smell and I don't mean old as in old. The smell is something that makes me think of an older woman, a perfume she might wear. Something subtle, not to overpowering or something that would suit a younger person. Does that make any sense?'

'Yes, I know what you mean and I have smelt that on Professor McGonagall. So how's getting around the rooms?'

'Hard at first, I kept bumping into things and I've got bruised legs. But it's getting easier as long as I keep my hands out in front of me. Healer parsons is going to start on outside this room tomorrow. Even though he wants me to go slow, he thought getting out of the room even if it's just to wander up and down the corridor will help. But I can't go near the stairs, not for a while, which I'm not complaining about,' Harry slowly got up again and stood near the fireplace but made sure his back was to his friend. These sudden hits of depression just come over him and he didn't want his friends to worry even though he knew they would be.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter eight

A few days after Harry's friends visited him, he called Kreacher and explained what he needed. So the old elf took his note to Gringotts and got a lot of money out for Harry, then went to do some shopping for him. Mainly for things like jeans, jackets, shirts, underwear, socks and runners, but Harry did have him get a couple of pairs of nice black pants and shirt that he could wear to the funerals that were due to start, along with some nice black shoes.

Kingsley had made arrangements for Harry so no one would know he couldn't see. So the morning of the first funeral that Harry wanted to attend, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Kingsley and Glen arrived at Hogwarts to accompany Harry.

Kingsley helped Harry shower then made sure he's clothes were on correct and his hair done before they joined Hermione, Ron, Ginny and Glen.

'So are we ready to go?' Ron asked gazing at Harry.

'I think we are, Harry, are you right to go?'

Harry blew out a huge breath, then nodded, 'Yeah I'm ready.'

'Okay, we'll take it nice and slow, I'll be on one side, Glen on the other,' Kingsley held Harry's arm and the group left the room and made their way slowly down through the school. Harry was very tentative near the stairs and kept a tight hold of the railing while Kingsley kept hold of his arm. Hermione, Ron and Ginny were in front just to make sure if Harry slipped they were there to stop him falling. Glen stayed right behind Harry to keep an eye over him from above. 'Okay, I'll take you with side along apparition, the others will follow.'

'Okay, just give me a warning before you turn.'

'I will, so,' Kingsley held Harry's arm a little tighter, 'Okay, I'm turning,' Kingsley did and they both disappeared. When they arrived Harry was a little unsteady on his feet, so Kingsley had to hold him up, 'You're okay, take a couple of deep breaths.'

'Yeah, it's different now,' Harry stood for a minute trying to get himself under control, 'I can hear voices, lots of voices.'

'Yes, there is a large crowd. A lot of people knew that you and Remus were close and you would be here today. Okay, Hermione, Ginny, take Harry's hands. Now remember, their going to whisper to you so you will know where to look. Are you ready?'

'Yes,' Harry felt Hermione and Ginny each take a hand, 'Okay,' he lowered his head then slowly felt them move so he walked quietly beside them keeping his head lowered. He heard a few whispers of his name as they made their way to the front. He also heard Kingsley speaking with Andromeda. They had discussed this earlier and thought she should know about Harry as he did want to get to know his godson but without anyone knowing about his blindness. Even though Harry was looking down, he kept tilting his head listening to the different voices. He did hear a few whispers about why he wasn't wearing his glasses. Harry had debated about that, but over the last two weeks he had gotten so used to no wearing them anymore, he didn't want to. So they worked on a story that if anyone asks, they would say Harry got muggle contact lenses.

'Okay, Kingsley's about to start, you can either keep your head lowered or just look a little to the right,' Hermione said softly and saw Harry move his head a little, 'That's good, it does look like you're staring at the coffins.'

'If anything happens Harry, let us know, even if you get upset,' Ginny said quietly.

'I already am,' Harry tightened his hold on his two female friends and felt a hand on his shoulder and knew that would be Glen standing behind him and he gave a small nod, then listened to the service for Remus John Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks. When Harry heard Kingsley mention him, how close he had been to Remus and that Remus and Tonks named Harry godfather to their son Teddy, he could feel the stares so he tried to keep his face impassive so no one would notice anything was different about him.

As soon as the service was over, Hermione, Ginny and Ron led Harry over to the two grave sites and they knelt down. Harry just put his hands on the grass of both graves with the help from his two female friends.

'Oh shit, you lot, stand and keep Harry in the middle. Reporters have turned up, Glen close to Harry's back, I'll stand in front.'

They instantly surrounded Harry while he kept his head lowered, but shouting of questions were getting louder.

'No, Harry Potter will not be answering any questions today,' Kingsley said in his deep slow and slightly threatening voice, but the reporters kept yelling.

'I'm sure even…people like you could understand that Mr. Potter is in mourning for his friends,' the deep snarly and threatening voice of Severus Snape said.

'We just want answers, from you as well Snape. But why are you here?' a loud male voice called.

'As the minister has stated to you…people,' Snape sneered, 'Mr. Potter is not answering questions and you should show a little compassion as this is a funeral of one of Mr. Potter's father's closest friends. As for me, right now is not the time to answer anything. I'm sure the minister will organise a statement from Mr. Potter and myself. Now why don't you behave like civilized people for a change and leave the mourners alone,' everyone could hear the abrupt but slightly sneering statement from Snape.

'Thanks,' Harry said quietly towards Snape and Ginny whispered that Snape nodded. 'I would like to go to my parents graves.'

'Let's go then, we'll keep you surrounded,' Kingsley said and gave Severus Snape a nod before leading Harry away from one grave site and to another, not far apart from each other.

'Do you have them Ron?'

'Right here Harry,' Ron slowly put a wreath of flowers in Harry's hand and the four friends held them and place the flowers against Lily and James' headstone together. They made it look like they were paying respect to the parents of their friend so it wouldn't seem strange to the reporters that were still watching.

'I can't stay now, but I'll be back when it's a little quieter,' Harry kissed his fingers and heard Ginny whispering again so Harry's hand went straight to his parent's names, 'Thanks.'

Kingsley and Glen kept behind and in front of Harry while Hermione, Ron and Ginny stayed at his side, even Snape followed close behind to keep everyone away. Then the group made their way back to Hogwarts and helped Harry back to his room. But they all noticed the difference in Harry straight away. His first time out and surrounded with people really showed him what his life was like now, what it will always be like. So he was depressed and not handling this blindness well at all.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter nine

'I'm just going to rest, you don't have to stay, but thanks,' Harry walked slowly away from the group, with his arms outstretched and made his way into the bedroom.

'I could feel how tense he was,' Glen said softly.

'We knew these funerals would be hard, but no one picked up on anything, so that worked well. It's finally showed Harry how his life is going to be now, so he's not handling this at the moment. Maybe we should all give him a bit of space.'

'That's a good idea Kingsley, let us know if he needs anything,' Ron said then left with his girlfriend and sister.

'Come on babe, let's go,' Kingsley sighed then left with his partner.

Harry curled up on his bed thinking about everything that had happened at the funerals. Having to be led by his friends, having to be told where to look, having them help put flowers on his parent's graves.

'This is it, my life,' Harry felt tears falling down his face and angrily wiped them away, 'I don't fucking want this.' he shouted at the room.

'You don't have a choice.'

Harry sat up, 'Snape.'

'Voices are easy to recognise.'

'Especially yours.'

'I think that was a compliment.'

'Hardly,' Harry scowled, 'I've heard that snarling voice for years, I'd know it anywhere.'

'Oh I see Potter, you're feeling sorry for yourself, that's to be expected.'

'Oh fuck off Snape, I don't need your shit.'

'Then you are about to be disappointed Potter as I've been asked by the minister to help out.'

'I don't need your help,' Harry turned, 'I don't want anyone's help,' Harry's voice was barely a whisper.

'I think today proved you do need help, until you get used to living with the darkness.'

Harry's head tilted, 'You've come closer even if you moved very quietly.'

'Very good, but I wish to tell you why the minister asked for my help.'

'It couldn't be for your charming personality or your bedside manner.'

'Just because you are blind Potter, does not give you the right to disrespect people.'

'I never respected you anyway,' Harry sneered, 'So why don't you go play with your potions.'

'Now there's James Potter's son.'

'Don't bring my father into this Snape,' Harry snarled angrily.

'Oh, and what will you do Potter, throw angrily looks at me.'

'Just leave, I don't want your help.'

'That is too bad, because you get help whether you like it or not. Now as for why the minister asked me to assist you. I had an uncle that was blind, he was a muggle, brother to my father. I grew up having to learn how he moved, how much help he would need with certain aspects of his life. As a child, I'm sure you know that sometimes you just leave things lying around. When there is someone that is blind, you have to learn to be conscious of that. I think that is where I learned to become neat and tidy. When I was older, I did visit him in his later years and I did assist him when he needed to go out. So I have the experience on what you will need help with.'

'I don't want help, no one's help, I just want to be left alone.'

'You should realise Potter that your friends will never leave you alone. But neither will the minister or the staff of Hogwarts. For some reason you have endeared all of them to you, so they will not give up on you even if you are giving up on yourself.'

'Why?'

'I think you need to be more specific if I am to understand what you mean.'

'Why do you want to help, you don't like me and I know the reason. But I'm not my father.'

Severus sighed, 'I know you are not your father, no matter how much you look like him. Right now though is the biggest difference I see between you. He used to always wear his glasses, you do not anymore. So I get to see Lily's eyes more than your father.'

'You loved her.'

'I did, but it was not what you think Potter. I thought of Lily as my sister, my closest friend. She was my only friend and your father stole that friendship from me. I know it was not entirely his fault, I am to blame as well.'

'Because of what you called her that day?'

'Yes, I was embarrassed as I'm sure you saw for yourself, so I lashed out. It can happen to anyone but your mother refused to accept my apology. She did eventually, but it took her a long time to get over her anger towards me.'

'Why did it seem like you loved her in a different way?'

'Just perception I suppose you could say. We spent so much time together, we knew each other very well. Every holiday we would go to that park just so Lily could be herself and not have her sister sneer at her.'

'Sorry,' Harry sighed.

'Whatever for?'

'For swearing, I don't normally swear, this has just been too much.'

'You have nothing to apologise for, especially for that. I have let loose on occasion, but you have reason to. After today, your finally realising what your life is going to be like now, the darkness and all the help you are going to have to accept, including mine.'

'I don't want people to stop living just because I can't see. Hermione should be trying to find her parents, Ron should go with her, but they aren't.'

'What do you mean find her parents?'

'Before the three of us left, she removed her from her parents memories, made them think they were someone else and they wanted to move to Australia. She figured it was safer, them being muggles, but also if anything was to happen to her, she knew they'd be safe and wouldn't even know they had a daughter. I could see how much that hurt her and I know she misses them.'

'Yes, she would, but right now they are safe and they don't know any different. So let your friends help right now. Mr. Weasley needs this and if you think about it, you'll work out why.'

'Fred,' Harry sighed, 'It takes his mind of his brother, Ginny as well.'

'Yes, so let them help you which gives them time to come to terms with their loss. When they see you coping, then I'm sure Miss Granger will find her parents. But as always with her, she used her intelligence and it was the right thing to do. There was talk about going after the family of your friends, anything to try and find you. Do you know they went to the Weasley's home to see Ron?'

'Yeah, Bill mentioned it. They saw the ghoul in Ron's bed and wouldn't get any closer to it. Especially with Mr. Weasley saying it had spattergroit, contagious.'

'Yes, a very clever idea, but who's idea was that?'

'Ron's, his dad help with the charms needed though. Then they dressed him in Ron's pyjamas and put him in Ron's bed. It was my fault that we got caught and they found out Ron was with me. That's when the Weasley family went into hiding.'

'You said his name.'

'Yes, Ron told us he found out about that and one day I just slipped. I was so used to saying his name, hard habit to break. Now I never want to hear it.'

'Neither do I Harry.'

Harry heard the change in Snape's voice and realise his life must have been hard. Having to pretend to believe in Voldemort, to follow whatever he said, to make everyone believe he was a spy but for who, first Voldemort then Dumbledore, then Voldemort again. Harry never realised how much of a strain that would have been on Snape, but he's finally started to understand it.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter ten

Over the next couple of weeks, Severus made great headway with Harry. He was able to move freely around his rooms, he was able to negotiate the stairs but they still made sure someone was always with him. Severus would help Harry memorise certain things, like how the trees outside would feel different from one to another. That way he could always find out where he was and how to get back inside if he ever found himself alone. Hagrid would often follow Harry around, at first it made Harry smile because he knew his large friend was just concerned, after a while, it started to annoy Harry, but it wasn't the only thing though.

Severus stepped into Harry's room and saw him feeling his clothes to make sure they were the right way around and not inside out.

'Do you need help?'

'No, I've got it, thanks,' Harry finished dressing then slowly turned, 'I want to talk to you about something, it's personal.'

'Very well, let's go sit down.'

Severus watched Harry made his way towards the small living area before they both sat on the sofa facing the fireplace.

'I do appreciate everything you've done.'

'Thank you, but I'm sure that's not what you meant.'

'No, it's not. You explained about your feelings for my mother, you explained why it would never be any more than friendship, I told you I worked out I was gay.'

'Yes, so this is about your sexuality?'

'Sort of, it's about both of us,' Harry slid his hand across the sofa until he felt the robes that covered Severus' legs, 'I've heard more in your voice than what you say.'

'This is not appropriate Harry,' Severus went to move but Harry put his hand on his leg.

'Please, you must have sensed or see something Severus. I can't hide my feelings anymore, not like you can. But not being able to see I have learned to rely on my other senses. I know you feel something for me, I'm hoping it's the same as I feel for you.'

'I'm too old for you Harry.'

'What's age got to do with anything, it should be what we both want and nothing else. Look, if you don't have feelings for me, fine, tell me and I'll stop, but I know you'd be lying,' Harry removed his hand and turned away, 'Leave me alone Severus.'

Severus sighed, but moved up on the sofa until he was right next to Harry, then slipped his arms around him and pulled him against his chest.

'I do care for you, but I'm the same age as your parents. You should find someone younger.'

'I don't want someone younger, I want you.' Harry slowly turned but stayed inside Severus' arms, 'Please tell me if you want this because I do.'

'I'd like to ask you something first.'

'Anything.'

'Are you positive that these feelings are real, you could be mixing them up with gratitude for everything I've been doing to help you?'

'No and I can say that with absolute certainly. I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last week. I thought that myself, so I tried to imagine things,' Harry chewed his lip, 'Um, blimey,' Harry looked down.

'You don't need to say what you're trying not to as I do understand. So now these things you imagined, tell me how that turned out?'

Harry slowly looked up, then put his fingers to Severus face, 'I wanted you to do those things, I wanted to touch you and it had nothing to do with gratitude.'

Severus could see real emotion on Harry's face even if he wasn't sure this was what was right for Harry, he gently put his hands on either side of Harry's face then his lips captured Harry's. Severus felt Harry trying to deepen the kiss, so he obliged until both their arms were wrapped around each other, but not once did their lips leave the other. Severus's lips parted from Harry's but he glanced down and smiled.

'That was exactly what I wanted, but blimey you snog good.'

'I'm glad you approve Harry.'

Harry tilted his head, 'You sound amused, why?'

'Do you really want me to say?'

'Yes, because I have no idea what could have made you sound like that.'

'As soon as we stopped snogging, I glanced down at you. I got to see exactly what my kiss did to you.'

Harry blushed, 'Oh,' Harry chewed his lip, 'Can I tell you something Severus?'

'Of course.'

'That's the first time that's happened. That's not normal for someone my age, is it?'

'No, but then you aren't normal, well I should change that. You are normal but your life was never normal. Have you ever thought about sex?'

'No, never had time.'

'That's what I meant. So now you're life is finally settling down even with the blindness, you are feeling what most young men will.'

'Yeah, makes sense. But can you tell me and I'm sure this is a stupid question especially for someone as, um, mature as you.'

'Mature as me, nice way to say older.'

'I never meant old Sev,' Harry chuckled, 'I just meant that with your age I'm sure you have?'

'Have what and what is this stupid question?'

'Have you had sex,' Harry said quickly as he looked down.

Severus smiled then gently put his finger under Harry's chin and lifted his head, 'Yes, I have and as for your next question, no, not yet.'

'What was going to be my next question and how would you know?'

'I can see it on your face Harry, expectant, desire,' Severus' voice dipped until it was slow and sensual, 'You want to know when we can have sex?'

'Um, well, yeah.'

'As I said, not yet, let's get to know each other as any couple would do.'

'Okay, I can do that even if I want more. But I need to know one more thing?'

'Alright, ask.'

'I don't want to hide this, I hope you don't.'

'I'm not sure your friends would approve. I am older, a lot older and I may be their teacher again.'

'Sev, please,' Harry put his head on Severus' shoulder, 'I don't want to only snog you in the privacy of this room. I love being outside with you, I feel comfortable with you. We could hold hands, we could put our arms around each other, like normal couples do.'

'I will show we are a couple on one condition.'

Harry smiled as he lifted his head, 'Anything.'

'That you always call me Sev.'

Harry laughed loudly then found his way to Severus' lips again and they sat there together, snogging and some talking, more snogging and more talking. But they were finally getting to know one another properly for the first time in their lives.

Over the next couple of weeks, the staff, Kingsley and Glen got used to seeing Harry and Severus with their arms around each other whenever they moved around the castle or grounds. Everyone was worried at first, with the age difference, but one look at Harry and they realised he was happy with Severus and that was helping him deal with his blindness. Ron, Hermione and Ginny had been shocked into silence and it took them a while before they finally answered Harry about how they felt. Finally they said even though it was strange to see, they could tell Harry was happy with Professor Snape.

One night when Harry was asleep, he'd been woken suddenly with a nightmare, but it wasn't like his old nightmares, it was something else. Harry sat on his bed thinking about what he'd remembered, what he'd been dreaming about until he finally staggered to the bathroom to be violently sick.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter eleven

The following day, Severus knew Harry was upset about something, but he refused to talk or even look at him. Kingsley tried to get Harry to talk to him, even his friends tried, but nothing worked. Over the next few days, everyone was getting more worried about Harry. He'd refuse to leave his bedroom and he had stopped talking altogether.

Severus, Kingsley, the staff of Hogwarts and Harry's friends were all concerned. Harry had sunk into a deep depression, he refused to see the healer, he refused all help, he refused to wear clothes, he refused to talk, he just sat in the corner of his bedroom. Even Severus tried to make Harry angry just to get a response out of him, nothing worked. Ron and Ginny yelled at him a few times, but again, he ignored them. Hermione tried logic, and tried to talk calmly to Harry, but he never moved or answered.

Severus stepped into Harry's room and again saw him sitting against the tall cabinet. He had his knees up against his chest and head on his knees. He'd tried everything to get Harry to snap out of this, and he was at a loss to know what to do, the main thing was they had no idea what caused this.

Severus knelt in front of Harry, 'You have to stop this Harry. Do you think your mother would just give up, because I can tell you now she wouldn't, she wasn't the type of person to ever give up, no matter what the situation.'

'I see it, all the time,' Harry's croaky hoarse voice whispered.

'See what,' Severus sat against the wall close to Harry since he had finally started talking.

'Every bad thing I've seen, everything I've done, everything, I see it all the time,' Harry sniffed.

'Tell me.'

'I can't see, so that is all I see, it's constantly in my mind. But I remembered things I never knew, things that I don't remember happening.'

Severus was taken by surprise when Harry grabbed his robs, 'Easy Harry. Just tell me what you mean?'

'Take them away, take my memories away, please,' Harry begged.

'Let's talk about this first. Explain to me what you are seeing.'

Harry slowly lifted his head and if anyone saw his face, they would see the pain he was in.

'Everything to do with Voldemort, things I saw through his eyes. But it's more, it's things that happened when I was a kid, a little kid,' Harry scrunched up his face, 'I can't,' Harry shook his head, then looked towards Snape's face, 'See, go in a see, then please, take them away.'

'You want me to use occlumense, is that what you mean?' Severus saw Harry nod, 'I have to find out what this is about, so hold still,' Severus pointed his wand at Harry, 'Legilimense,' Severus gasped as he finally saw what Harry meant, he felt Harry's hands tighten on his robes, but Severus never stopped, he needed to see everything. Finally he released Harry from the charm.

'Take them, please,' Harry grabbed harder at Snape's robes as he started to sob.

Severus slowly put his arms around Harry and pulled him to his chest, 'Let me talk to someone first. I know this healer, a specialist in child trauma. I won't say who you are, but I need his opinion on if this should be done.'

'I can't keep seeing that over and over again,' Harry lifted his head, 'Please…Sev, help me, help me.'

Severus heard the desperate pleas, 'I will, but I need to know if it's the right thing to do. If this healer does say it can be done or should be done, then I will.' Severus saw Harry's face screw up again, so he just held him why he cried. After a while, Severus knew Harry had cried himself to sleep, but he couldn't move, so after sending his patronus off to the minister, he just sat there holding him.

Twenty minutes later, Kingsley and glen stepped into the room, 'Severus, what's going on?'

'A lot to go into minister, but could you please help put Harry to bed, then I will explain.'

Kingsley and Glen lifted Harry's naked and prone body onto the bed, Severus covered him up then indicated for the two men to follow him out of the room.

'Now tell us what's wrong?'

'Harry finally started talking. He said because he can't see, he is seeing things in his mind, things he saw through Voldemorts eyes, but there was something else. He said he saw things that happened to him as a child that he never remembered, but now he has. He wanted me to remove his memories, I told him I knew a healer that specialised in childhood traumas, I'm going to ask him first. Then he wanted me to go in a see for myself.'

'What did you see, what happened to Harry?'

'He was abused minister, but his uncle.'

'Abused, how?' Kingsley knew the answer but needed to hear it.

'He was raped.'

'Oh dear god,' Kingsley looked between Glen and Severus, 'So since he can't see anything, those childhood memories have resurfaced?'

'Yes.'

'How old was he?' Glen asked.

'Young, five, six maybe, and this is why he closed down, why he's given up. He said he can't live with seeing that over and over again and I can't blame him.'

'Speak with the healer, see what he has to say. Try to be discreet, but explain that someone who is recently blind has started to remember things from his childhood.'

'What if Harry tries to take his own memories, he could remove everything because he wouldn't know how to do it properly. Obliviators have to be trained for years to be able to do that. To remove only the memory they need to, and nothing else. That took me five years to learn that.'

'I know Glen, so we might have to keep someone with him at all times until Severus finds out what this healer has to say.'

'I'll go see him now, but you're right, he shouldn't be alone.'

Kingsley and Glen watched Snape leave before they turned to face each other and both of them knew what the other was thinking. How to keep Harry safe until they could work out what could be done?

Later that day, Severus returned to Hogwarts, he found the Minerva and minister speaking quietly, so he walked over to them.

'What did he say?' Kingsley asked instantly.

'He believes it would not help, that even though those memories would be removed, he still remembers them. The best thing is to get Harry to speak with a specialist, I explained that wasn't possible. So he suggested that Harry speak with someone he could trust and that would listen. Once he's confronted his past, he should be able to put it behind him, but it won't happen quickly. He said some adults take years before they learn to cope with childhood traumas, but Harry's blindness makes him more vulnerable.'

'You and Harry are together Severus, even if he hasn't shown it lately. He cares about you and he trusts you, so it should be you that he talks to.'

'I want to help in any way I can. I felt so sorry for him earlier, the pain he was in. He's not alone right now, is he?'

'No, Hermione and Ron are with him. He refuses to speak with them, so there just sitting in the room, keeping an eye on him.'

'Do they know why he's like this?'

'No, but I did explain that you found out and it's very traumatic on Harry. Then explained why we have to make sure he's not alone.'

'We have another situation Severus. We're not sure who or how, but word has leaked about Harry's blindness. No one is confirming anything, but Hermione mentioned they got questioned when they went to Diagon Alley yesterday.'

'Let's hope Harry doesn't find out about that, it will make him worse,' Severus could see that the minister and Minerva agreed with him. Now they had more to worry about and to try and help Harry at the same time.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter twelve

Over the next few days, everyone realised that Harry was getting more upset because someone was always with him, so they finally relented and let him have some time alone, but they did check on him frequently. Severus and Minerva were sitting at the staff table talking quietly while they ate lunch. They both gasped as a green light floated towards them.

'Oh my,' Minerva glanced at Snape, 'you know what that means.'

'I'll check Harry,' Severus ran from the great hall and never stopped until he came to Harry's room. He raced in and found Harry sprawled on the floor, he looked dead. Severus put his hand to Harry's chest, then just under his nose, 'He's alive,' Severus called to the footsteps of the people coming into the room, then he moved back to let Poppy close so she could examine him.

'That was the killing curse, and he's alive.'

'How do you know he used the killing curse, there was no one in here with him. We only left him alone because it seemed to make it worse when someone was here?' Kingsley asked as he watched Poppy examined Harry.

'Just before Albus died, he had been working on a charm that would detect the killing curse. He wanted it placed around the castle and grounds. The charm would work on two parts if it was needed. The caster and it also lets the headmaster know by a green mist that someone had used it. He's portrait explained it to me and since we all know Harry's been quiet and depressed, I thought it might be a good idea to use it. I never bothered with the second part of the charm, just the mist that would alert me that it had been used.'

'He's fine, but I'd like to get him up on the bed.'

'I'll get him Poppy,' Severus stepped over to Harry's still naked body, bent down and picked him up. Minerva pulled the covers down and Severus placed him on the bed, then he covered Harry up, 'How did he survive?'

'Do you think it has something to do with surviving it twice already?' Glen asked as he stared down at Harry.

'It's the only thing that makes sense. But then again, those two times have been explained.'

'He's coming around,' Poppy said quietly and everyone waited until they saw Harry's eyes blink and finally open, 'How do you feel Mr. Potter?'

'Oh shit,' Harry blinked again, 'I'm dreaming, figures.'

'I have no idea why you would believe that. Now I'm going to ask you again, tell me how you feel?'

'Am I really awake?'

'You're awake Harry, why would you think you're not?' Kingsley asked.

'Because I can see,' Harry stared directly at everyone that was in his room, then his eyes found Severus', 'I can see and I can see perfectly, without my glasses.'

'Let me check something,' Poppy started to do more charms over Harry, 'The killing curse seemed to reverse the blindness that the other killing curse caused.'

'Will it stay Madame Pomfrey, I won't lose it again, will I?'

'No, they are completely healed. I would say you have better eyesight than anyone.'

'Why did you give up on me?' Severus sneered and everyone heard the abruptness in his voice.

'I didn't give up on you, I gave up on me. Can I have some privacy to get dressed?'

'We'll be in the other room, because we're not finished with you Mr. Potter,' Minerva said stiffly then left the room with the others, all but Severus.

'Don't look at me like that,' Harry threw the covers off, went to his wardrobe, grabbed some jeans and pulled them on before turning to face Severus, 'You know what I was seeing, you wouldn't take those memories away. I was going to do it myself, but I didn't want to forget everything. Then I realised I couldn't live with it, not seeing that all the time. You know, you saw it.'

'Yes I did, but you know what the healer said.'

'He didn't live through that,' Harry yelled, 'So how can he know what he said was right,' Harry felt his face fall and turned his back, 'I was coping before they started, you helped Sev, you don't realise how much you helped. If they didn't surface, I would have been okay, I know it,' Harry turned back, 'You know I'm not a quitter, but I couldn't live with those memories. You should have trusted me and took them away.'

'I do trust you, but I also trust what the healer told me. He said he could take years but you would learn to live with them.'

'I couldn't live with that for years, why do you think I tried to kill myself. So please try and understand. You told me what happened to you as a kid, you have some idea what that's like to live with.'

Severus sighed, then stepped over to Harry, took his hand and placed it against his chest. 'I do understand, but I felt like you gave up on me, on us. You talked me into starting this relationship Harry, something I was reluctant to do. But I took a chance and you gave up on that.'

'I didn't, not on us. You're the only thing that's kept me going this long. I want us to be as we were, but I couldn't, not with those imagines always there. I couldn't think of us, I could only see that. I tried to be with you, I couldn't even kiss you without those imagines coming to me. Please Sev, I would never give up on you. You saw how painful that was, what I went through.'

Severus sighed and pulled Harry into his arms, 'I saw it Harry, it doesn't change how I feel, I felt helpless because nothing I said or did helped you.'

'You can never be helpless Sev. But before I go out and face the others, I need to know something?'

'Alright.'

'What happened,' Harry lowered his head, 'It doesn't change the way you feel about me? We got together before you knew about that.'

Severus finally realised what Harry was worried about, apart from what he was seeing, Harry thought he wouldn't want him anymore because of what happened. so he lifted Harry's head again, kissed him softly then looked into his eyes.

'No, it doesn't and before you ask, it doesn't disgust me. That was done to you, something you had no control over. You were worried about that, weren't you, that's another reason you tried to kill yourself?'

Harry nodded, 'I'm sorry, can you forgive me Sev?'

'Yes, now that I know everything. But finish dressing, I'm sure the minister and Minerva have a few words they would like to say to you.'

Harry grimaced, 'Do I have to?'

'Stop being a child Harry or there will be no sex if you act like that.'

Harry licked his lips, 'Does that mean we can?'

'We'll see, now dress,' Severus stepped away from Harry and pointed.

'Bossy,' Harry grinned then put his shirt and shoes on, 'You know Sev, we have to get you out of those robes and into some jeans. I've had a good feel of your arse, I'm sure it would look nice filling out a pair of jeans.'

'Don't try it Harry,' Severus took Harry's hand then led him out into the other room where Minerva and Kingsley were both glaring at Harry. Severus instantly put his arm around his partner, wanting to protect him from their anger.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter thirteen

'Severus was right, you gave up on us, after everything we did to help you,' Kingsley growled.

'Like I said to Sev, I didn't give up on you at all. I just couldn't live with those memories, those imagines, not anymore. I tried to explain that to you, to all of you, but you just don't get it. None of you went through something like that, then add every other fucking thing I went through.'

'Do not swear Mr. Potter.'

'Sorry, but none of you can understand. I'm not just talking about the memories of what happened to me. I saw some horrific things that Voldemort did, torture, murder, pain,' Harry shuddered as he turned away, 'I saw him kill kids, little kids, their mother tried to protect them, like my mother tried to protect me,' Harry's voice broke.

Severus tightened his hold on Harry, 'You never mentioned anything about seeing children.'

'I tried not to think about it, to think about any of it,' Harry turned back, 'You don't understand how seeing that stuff can affect you. But it's more than that,' Harry moved until he was sitting down and had his head lowered, 'Dumbledore told all of you I saw things, but he never explained something, but I did explained why it happened. But what I never told any of you was it was like I was doing those things. During those times, I saw it like it was me. So even though I know it wasn't me I felt like it was, I felt it, deep inside, that I killed,' Harry slowly looked up and noticed Professor McGonagall, Kingsley and Glen didn't look angry anymore, 'He got off on the pain, so I felt like I did as well, felt like I was enjoying it. So how can you understand any of that, understand how that felt?'

'There were times when I knew he was acting like everything was okay but I knew he wasn't. There were times he was feeling Harry and he didn't like that at all. Those times seemed to make him angrier.'

Harry looked up at Severus and realised something, 'He felt things like being happy, then he'd go torture someone, didn't he Sev?'

Severus signed, 'Yes, because he realised he couldn't control you like he tried. He also wanted to make your life miserable and it wasn't working.'

'So it was my fault why he killed or tortured people, just great,' Harry shook his head before lowering it again, 'I have enough blood on my hands, I don't need more,' Harry took a deep breath, 'See, right now I can look around and notice things, so I can remember them, their clear in my head. That's how I used to get through everything I saw from him. I'd think about the things I'd seen Ron or Hermione doing, watch them, and think of things some of my other friends would do. I'd even focus on what Professor McGonagall was doing, all those times kept those images away. But not being able to see, I couldn't bring forth anything apart from what happened to me as a kid and what Voldemort had done,' Harry looked up again, 'All of you can do that at any time, think about something you'd seen through the day, or like Glen, you could think about your mother cooking, you said you liked to watch her, if you can't see, you can't bring those imagines forward, so other things can't take over. So will you please try to understand how I felt?'

Kingsley knelt in front of Harry, 'I think we understand more now Harry. It doesn't change the fact that we're disappointed in you, but we can understand a bit more.'

'I never liked to disappoint anyone, especially people I care about. So I want all of you to see what I was seeing all the time. If you're still disappointed or angry with me, then you can never understand.'

'You're talking about us watching your memories, aren't you Harry?' Minerva asked softly.

Harry nodded, 'Only then will you understand.'

'Which memories?' Kingsley stood back up.

'All of it, what happened to me as a kid, how I looked and felt when he tortured and killed, some of the other things I saw.'

'Even though I'm not looking forward to this, I think that is the best decision to help us know what you were going through. So now, when do you wish to do this?' Minerva asked.

'I want Hermione, Ron and Ginny to see as well. If I can get some vials I'll remove them and you can see them together.'

'I'll bring you some Harry, how many are you talking about?' Severus asked.

Harry looked down and everyone noticed he kept shaking his head but they also noticed tears falling.

'Twenty at least,' Harry kept his head down but heard footsteps before he felt someone sit beside him, 'I don't want pity Kingsley, I want you to understand, that's all.'

'I don't pity you, but I am saddened for you. Tell me though, is that why you always seemed older, why you kept to yourself a lot, why you never spoke more than was necessary. I noticed all that at Grimmauld Place. I think the only time I saw you truly happy was with Sirius.'

'I was never allowed to talk there, not even to ask a question. You know I didn't even know my parent's names until Hagrid told me, I knew nothing except they were killed in a car crash, were drunks, and supposedly it was my fault, great memories for a kid to have of his parents. After they were finished with me, I'd be locked in the cupboard, I'd talk to my parents, it was the only time I could talk.'

'What did you say to them?' Minerva sat on Harry's other side.

'Begged them to get me out, to make them stop,' Harry heard the door and lifted his head, 'I told Sirius, he wanted to go curse them, but he saw the fear on my face. I didn't want him sent back to Azkaban. He used to let me sleep in with him when I stayed there, it helped with my nightmares. Even though I couldn't remember that time, I still had others, about death, blood, pain,' Harry held out his hand to Severus who placed a box of vials in his hand, then Harry took his wand, closed his eyes and started to remove his memories. It was completely silent as Kingsley, Glen, Minerva and Severus watched Harry, he had tears falling down his face, but ended up filling eighteen vials before handing the box back to Severus, 'Can we have some privacy?'

'Of course, and I will contact your friends,' Minerva looked at Severus who handed the box to her before everyone but Severus left.

Harry stared up at Severus and he must have seen something on Harry's face because Severus nodded, took Harry's hand and led him into the bedroom.

'You should not do this just because you're emotional, that is not a reason to make love.'

'It's not Sev, you know how long I've wanted this, so please, love me, every way there is,' Harry slowly undid Severus' robes, but both men, one older, one younger, they never took their eyes of the other and both realised what they were feeling, love, so now they were going to show it.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter fourteen

Harry was lying across Severus' chest, both content and sated, both relishing the aftermath of their love making. Severus kept his hand moving down Harry's hair, to his back, then back to his hair again.

'Tell me how you are feeling Harry?'

'Good, the best I've felt in a long time,' Harry lifted his head and saw Severus smile, 'I've never seen you smile before, it's nice.'

'No, I suppose you haven't, but you know I did, you felt it with your fingers.'

'It's not the same as seeing it,' Harry reached up and ran his fingers over Severus' lips then his cheeks, 'You have a really nice smile, you should smile more often.'

'Then how am I supposed to scare all the students if I smile?'

'Sev,' Harry grinned, 'Sometimes you get more out of your students with a smile than a sneer. I used to feel intimidated by McGonagall, but I saw her smile once and I instantly saw how caring she was. From then on I treated her differently, better, respected her. Maybe you should try it, it's not like it could hurt.'

'I'll think about it, but I should get up to Minerva's office. Are you sure you want them to see all that?'

'Yes, it's so they can understand why I couldn't live with those images anymore. Will you come back after?'

'I'll be back then we're going out for a while. You haven't left this castle in three months apart from one funeral.'

'I'd like to go somewhere with you,' Harry moved so Severus could get up, 'You have a sexy body, who would have thought?'

'Stop ogling me Harry and get dressed.'

'I like ogling your cute arse, especially since I did just fuck it.'

'Oh you have a crude mouth, I'm going to have to teach you some manners.'

'Oh Professor Snape is showing himself,' Harry smirked then laughed, 'Sorry, I won't say it again,' Harry saw the horrified look on his face, 'Sev, don't, it was a joke,' Harry quickly got up and hugged him, 'It was a bad joke, don't be angry with me,' Harry looked up into smouldering dark eyes, 'I love you.'

Severus closed his eyes for a moment to collect himself, 'I love you to, but I'm warning you now, never, never call me that again, unless you come back and end up my student, never in private.'

'I won't, sorry,' Harry gave Severus a sheepish smile, 'I like Sev, and since I can see, yeah, I might do my last year. We will get to be together, in private I mean? I know we can't out in the school.'

'Yes, in private and as long as the other students don't find out. You realised I will have to treat you like the other students though.'

'Yeah, I might not be looking forward to it, but I know you have to. But finish dressing, I'm sure their waiting for you.'

'Will you be here when I get back?'

'Yep, I'll just have a shower.'

'Good, then I might…fuck you again my young lover.'

Harry chuckled, 'I hope so because you do it so well.'

'Let me finish dressing,' Severus moved and picked up his clothes. He noticed Harry watching him, 'Still ogling?'

'Always.'

'Since there are a lot of memories, I'm not sure how long I'll be,' Severus took Harry's face in his hands and kissed him, 'Know I'm here for you, always.'

'I know,' Harry gave a small smile then watched Severus leave before he turned and went to have a shower.

Harry smiled as looked around the room then went into the bathroom. When Harry was finished, he dressed then went to the window, staring down on the grounds. Even with rubble still around, he thought it looked beautiful, so he just stood there staring at everything.

'What are you looking at?' Severus asked.

'Everything, the trees, the sky, Hagrid cleaning up, Grawp, it all looks wonderful,' Harry slowly turned away from the window and saw Hermione with tears falling down her face then she was crying in his arms, 'Hermione, oh blimey,' then Ginny had her arms wrapped around him and she was crying, 'Oh, Ginny doesn't cry, please,' then Ron had his arms around them, 'Oh shit, stop it, all of you,' Harry felt his friends tighten their hold, but they never stopped crying, so he just held them but he did lift his head and saw Kingsley nod to him before he left with Glen, McGonagall also nodded then left. Severus put the box of memories on the table then sat down.

Finally his friends let him go, 'Can I go curse them Harry?' Ginny asked.

'No,' he gave her a small smile, 'I want to forget they ever existed.'

'McGonagall explained what you did and we just saw why, I think I would do the same,' Ron said, but everyone heard how hoarse his voice was.

'Yeah,' Harry walked over and sat beside Severus, taking his hand, 'Let's forget it now, I just wanted you to understand why I couldn't live just seeing all that over and over again.'

'You have been talking about it though, like the healer told you to do,' Hermione said.

'Yes, I talked to Sev, didn't help, maybe it might in three or four years, but I couldn't kept seeing that all the time. You do understand, don't you Hermione, you saw the way I was sometimes, you knew why. Could you live with the thoughts that you'd killed or tortured people, killed kids?'

'No, you did explain how you felt though, I still have trouble grasping that since I know it wasn't you. I'm not angry or disappointed Harry, I've seen how hard your life has been, since we met, it's been like that. You're only eighteen, that's a lot to put on someone so young. Why didn't you tell us how bad it was with them though, you just said they locked you up and didn't give you enough to eat.'

'I was embarrassed,' Harry looked down at his hand entwined with Severus, 'I saw how all of you were, healthy, I heard how your family lives were, fun, loving, normal. Can we get off this now, I just wanted you to understand, we don't need to keep talking about it. I can finally see, I want to see everything. But it is good to see all your ugly faces again and not just feel it.'

Ginny, Hermione and Ron scowled, then all three looked at each other then back at Harry and all three pointed their wands at him making Harry laugh but held up his hands in surrender.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter fifteen

After Harry's friends left, he left Hogwarts with Severus. He couldn't stop looking around at everything, stopping all the time just to stare at some flowers or the water in a pond, Severus kept laughing softly as he watched Harry look at everything. They sat together in the Three Broomsticks having lunch. Some people would come up to Harry and shake his hand, others asked if the rumours about his blindness was true. Harry didn't want to go into detail, so he explained that he was, but it was just temporary, his eyesight was fine now. Severus heard a few comments about him, that he was taking advantage of Harry's youth but also his popularity. He never let on to Harry that he didn't like hearing all that, that it actually hurt to hear that type of talk, Harry was having a good time, the first time Severus had ever seen Harry this happy, so he kept it to himself.

Over the next couple of weeks, Harry and Severus spent a lot of time away from Hogwarts. Harry couldn't believe how happy he was, something he never thought he would ever be. He finally realised that he didn't have Voldemort after him anymore, he also realised he could have a life now, a normal life like everyone else and he could have a home, his own home. So Harry had Severus help him find and buy a house, his first home and naturally the house was in Godric's Hollow. After settling in, Harry wanted Severus and his friends to have dinner together at the house. So with some help from Severus, they cooked a nice dinner while they waited for Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Neville to arrive. They thought now he could see, it was time to explain to Neville why he hadn't seen his friend since the morning of fighting.

They heard a knock on the door, 'I'll get that,' Harry hurried to the door, 'Hey,' he hugged his four friends as they stepped inside, 'Make yourselves at home, do you want a drink, tea, anything?'

'I'm fine Harry,' Hermione said.

'We're good I think mate,' Ron said and got the same response from Ginny and Neville.

'Well dinner won't be long, hope you like it, but Sev did do most of it and he's a good cook.'

'Sev,' Neville said.

'Oh, yeah, you don't know, be right back,' Harry hurried into the kitchen, 'Come say hello Sev,' he took Severus' hand and led him out into the living room, 'Sev and I are together Neville.'

'Um Harry, but you two didn't like each other and his the same age as your parents, and our teacher.'

'Age doesn't mean anything Neville, but there's a lot we can't go into. Sev actually helped Dumbledore protect me for years, he'd been helping all along.'

'But what about being our teacher, that's not allowed.'

'Harry understands that we have to be student and teacher when Hogwarts opens again. But dinner is ready, let's all sit down and eat.'

'Good idea, I'm starved,' Harry heard Ron chuckle, 'Yeah, I know, it's usually you that's hungry Ron, not me,' Harry looked up at Severus, 'That's changed.'

'Keep it private Harry,' Severus whispered then went to get the dinner and dished up before floating the plates onto the table.

The five friends and Severus sat and ate, Severus noticed the friends seemed to be a little stiff, they weren't talking like he had seen them do in the past. He'd also noticed the same thing happen every time Harry's friends saw them together. He tried to talk, let them see him as just Harry's partner and not their teacher, but no matter what he said or did, they couldn't seem to relax. Harry was the only one that seemed to be his normal self, happy, talking like nothing was wrong, oblivious to anything else.

Harry and Severus arrived at the Burrow and stepped inside, Mrs. Weasley instantly hugged Harry while Arthur Weasley shook Severus' hand.

'I'm fine Mrs. Weasley,' Harry chuckled.

'Well, you look fine and I'm glad you got your eyesight back. But I am angry with you about how you went about it.'

'Yeah, I know, everyone was,' Harry turned, 'Hi Mr. Weasley,' Harry hugged him.

'Harry, Molly's right, you look good.'

'Yep and a lot of that is to do with Sev.'

'Yeah, not sure about that Harry, not the gay bit, I'm gay, but you and Snape,' Charlie shrugged, 'He was a tyrant at Hogwarts.'

'With his students, not with me Charlie.'

'Private, remember Harry,' Severus said softly.

'Don't worry Sev, I said I won't go talking about that. So Charlie, how come we never knew about you?'

'It just never came up, I think you should understand how unusual all our lives were over the last few years. I didn't think talking about my sexuality was the best thing.'

'True, that's why it took me a while to work it out. So have you got someone in Romania?'

'No, I like my casual life, shag a lot then move onto the next one. You're in a serious relationship already, at only eighteen, don't you want to play the field for a while?'

'No, I love Sev, I don't want anyone else.'

'You're call, but from what Sirius said, your dad was engaged to your mum at eighteen, but he did have other girls when he was at Hogwarts. A bit of a ladies man back then, so we were told.'

'Yeah, I might look like my father, but from what I've found out, I'm more my mother in personality. Dad was her only serious relationship.'

'So she never dated before you father?' Arthur asked.

Harry looked at Severus, 'No, she spent most of her time studying or with me. It was Seventh year when she finally went out with James, after that first date they were together all the time.'

'We heard you and Harry's mum had a falling out in sixth year, something to do with you becoming a death eater.'

'Partially, but it also had a lot to do with James and Black and I'd rather keep that private if you don't mind.'

'It's your life Snape. So Harry, Ron said you can't stop looking at flowers, you're really gay aren't you?' Charlie chuckled.

'Prat, no, it's the colours, after being blind, I just like to look at everything. You really don't understand how much you miss until you can't see. It's so dark then it was just bright and colours, it's great.'

Over the next couple of hours, Severus noticed the Weasley family acted a lot like Harry's friends, they weren't comfortable with him, apart from Charlie. He'd seen a few looks and Arthur Weasley did talk to him, but it seemed to Severus that it was forced. He realised he had a lot to think about because he didn't want to see Harry get hurt and their relationship might be worse for Harry in the long run, so he needed to decide if stopping now, before it got any more serious would better for Harry, then letting it go on further and his friends end up not talking to him altogether.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter sixteen

Again, every visit from Harry's friends or to the Weasley's home, no one seemed comfortable with Severus being there. He knew it wasn't the fact he was in a relationship with Harry, it was who he was and how old he was that concerned everyone even if they never said anything. Severus had learned a long time ago to read people and he did it very well, so he knew what he was reading in all the people that Harry cared about. After a few times where Harry's friends said they couldn't go to his place or meet him somewhere, Severus knew what he had to do.

'Sev, you've been really quiet the last couple of days, you haven't even wanted to make love, so what's up?' Harry stared up at Severus who was staring out the window.

Severus knew it was time, so he slowly turned, 'I've been doing a lot of thinking Harry, I've worked something out.'

'Oh, okay, is it something you can tell me. I know you like to keep things to yourself, I do the same.'

'This concerns you,' Severus put his hands behind his back, 'This isn't working, I'm talking about us Harry and I don't want to keep pretending it is.'

'Sev,' Harry jumped to his feet, 'But why, we love each other, you said you loved me, so what's wrong?'

Severus knew he couldn't tell the truth and he also knew the lie he was about to say to Harry would hurt, but it would be better for him in the long run.

'That's what I realised, I don't love you even if I do care about you. I also realised I'd like to meet someone older, more my age, someone that will have more in common with me.'

'Sev, you can't, please,' Harry went to move over to Severus who put his hands up to stop him, 'Please, don't do this.'

'I'm sorry Harry, but it's for the best. Now I should go, find someone else, someone closer to your own age,' Severus hurried to the door with Harry behind him, 'This wouldn't work, we'd end up hating each other.'

'Sev, I love you, don't do this to me,' Harry stood at the open door and watched Severus walk down the path, but he stopped and turned back.

'Goodbye Harry, try and be happy,' Severus turned on the spot and apparated away.

Harry kept staring at the spot where Sev had been standing. He kept thinking about all their times together, they had seemed happy. Harry slowly moved back into his house and sat down. He thought about all their times they had spent here, happy, laughing, Harry even getting Severus out of his robes. Then he thought about the times they went out, Severus was always a little quieter, acting more like his old self and he always wore his robes. It was like he was two different people, alone with Harry, Severus was easy going, fun to be with, laughing a lot. When they were around other people, he was reserved, quiet and mainly listened to Harry talking to his friends. Harry did try to get Severus into the conversation, but he'd just say the odd thing but that was all. Now though, Harry tried to think if there was something he missed, something Sev might have said or shown him to say he wasn't happy.

Harry looked around his home and he kept seeing Sev, times they would hold each other, snog, even having sex, like in front of the fireplace, after sealing the door and floo that was. Everywhere he looked, he remembered something to do with Severus and the heartache was overwhelming.

Harry slowly got up and headed up to his bedroom and again the memories of his times with Sev assaulted his mind and heart. He felt his eyes fill with tears, but blinked them away. He knew he couldn't stay here, not with all these memories, it was too heartbreaking, so he grabbed his old ruck sack, packed his clothes and shoes before sealing his house and apparating away.

He stood staring up at the large house, then stepped into the darkness. The first thing he noticed was the dusty figure of Albus Dumbledore was gone and he realised that someone must have taken the charms off. He went up to Sirius' old bedroom, dumped his bag before heading out. He stepped into the Hogshead and over to the bar.

'Hey Ab, a large Firewhiskey.'

'Sure Harry, you don't look happy, something wrong?' Aberforth asked as he poured Harry a glass.

'No, I just need a drink, thanks,' Harry put some gold on the bar and sat down. It didn't take Harry long to finish that, so he got himself a bottle next time and just kept drinking. He ended up buying two crates of Firewhiskey telling Aberforth he had friends coming over for a small get together, then shrunk the crates before heading back to Grimmauld Place.

Over the next week, Aberforth was getting worried about Harry. He come in, drank a lot before buying more crates of Firewhiskey, then he ended up leaving with a man Harry had picked up. Everyone knew Harry was gay, but this man wasn't someone that knew Harry, wasn't part of his circle of friends. He thought he'd see what Harry would do next time before he decided to speak with his brother. Again the next day, Harry came in, had a few drinks, bought another crate of Firewhiskey before leaving with another man. Over the next couple of weeks, that pattern continued and nothing Aberforth said changed anything.

Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Neville kept turning up at Harry's house, but it was sealed. They even went there right after Aberforth let them know Harry had left, but he never arrived. Finally they realised that Harry wasn't staying in his home anymore and wondered what was going on and why he was acting like this, drinking and taking strange men home, or wherever he was staying. They thought the only person that would know would be Severus Snape. So the four friends apparated to Hogwarts, then slowly walk into the castle. They found Snape sitting at the staff table, alone and he didn't look happy either, so they knew something must be going on with Snape and Harry, and that's why Harry had been drinking.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter seventeen

'Professor,' Hermione said timidly.

'Miss Granger, is there something I can do for you?' Severus gazed at Harry's friends.

'Yes, it's about Harry. Aberforth let us know he'd been drinking a lot. We've been going to his home every day, he's not living there anymore and we don't know where he is. We thought you might know where he might be staying, maybe here?'

'No, he is not here, I have not seen Harry in a couple weeks. I can only assume he decided to buy himself another place to live.'

'So are you two still together?' Ron asked.

'No, we are not. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work repairing the castle.' Severus nodded curtly then left the great hall.

Hermione, Ron, Ginny and Neville watched Snape leave, 'So that's what this is all about, they broke up. It must not have been Harry's idea, not with the way he's drinking,' Hermione said sadly.

'What do you think happened?' Ginny asked.

'Until we can talk to Harry, there's no way of knowing, we'd only be speculating. But where would he go?' Hermione sighed.

'Hermione, what about Grimmauld Place?' Ron asked.

'He hated staying there before Ron, he said it reminded him of Sirius and Sirius hated the place.'

'But he does own it, it still has the fidelius charm on it.' Ron said.

'Maybe he is there Hermione, he's not staying at any of the pubs, his home or here. There's nowhere else he could go really, unless it's in a muggle area,' Neville said.

'We might as well look at Grimmauld Place Hermione, Professor McGonagall can give Neville permission to get in,' Ginny said.

'Yes, it's worth looking. Let's go see Professor McGonagall.'

The group headed up through the castle until they came to the open door of McGonagall' office.

'Professor,' Hermione said.

'Miss Granger, Mr. Weasley, Miss Weasley, Mr. Longbottom. I can assume you are all here about Harry, come in.'

'Yes, we can't find him and he's not living in his home. We thought we'd try Grimmauld Place, but Neville would need permission to get in.'

'Yes,' Minerva said sadly then wrote a note, handing it to Neville, 'Severus explained that they are not together anymore. Aberforth explained that Harry is drinking quite lot.'

'Yes he told us the same, so it seems it was Snape that broke up with Harry for him to act like this. Do you know why Professor?' Ginny asked.

'The only thing he said was it wasn't working, he refused to say anything else. But I have a feeling there is more to this, I just don't know what. If you find out, could you let me know?'

'We will professor, we better go,' Hermione, Ron, Ginny and Neville headed back down through the castle then Hermione took Neville's arm and they apparated away. They arrived in the park across the street from Grimmauld Place and hurried up the stairs and into the house. The moment they stepped in, a strange man came towards them and they all pulled their wands, 'Who are you?'

'A friend of Harry's, he's upstairs, still in bed. You're his friends, the ones that helped him.'

'Yeah, we are, but we don't know you and why would Harry be in bed at this time of the day?' Ron asked suspiciously.

The man shrugged, 'We've spent some time together, but I have to go,' he moved past and out the door.

'So it seems Harry's is still having sex with men he doesn't know, that could be dangerous. He wouldn't know if they were going to hurt him or a supporter of Voldemorts,' Hermione said.

'Yeah, we know, it is dangerous, seems he's not thinking about that or he's not worried about it. Let's go see if he's okay,' Ron led the way up to Sirius' room but no sign of Harry, so they looked through other rooms, 'Harry, do you think you could cover up mate? Hermione and Ginny are here.'

Harry slowly turned his head to look at his friends, he was on his stomach, so he turned over before looking back at his friends.

'Yeah, sure,' he sat up, pulled the covers up then grabbed his drink, 'What you are doing here?'

'To see you and find out what in the hell you're doing?'

'Doing, well a lot of sex and a lot of drinking,' Harry lifted his glass, 'You might have seen the bloke that just left, don't remember his name, not that it really matters, the only thing that matters is that he fucked great.'

'Why are you here and not at your house?' Hermione asked.

'I live here now, it suits me. Do you want a drink, that's all I can offer, nothing else here,' Harry lifted his glass again.

'No thanks, but surely you have food,' Ginny said.

'No, don't feel like eating.'

'We spoke to Snape, he said you weren't together anymore.'

'I don't want to talk about him,' Harry snapped then staggered to his feet and out the door.

'Harry, can you put some clothes on?' Hermione asked as she looked away.

'No,' Harry just kept walking down the stairs until he came to the kitchen.

'Blimey, what's with all the bottles?' Neville asked as he saw dozens of full and empty bottles all over the kitchen, but all Harry did was shrug and pour himself another drink.

'What's going on Harry, why did you break up with Professor Snape?' Hermione asked kindly.

'I don't want to fucking talk about him, so if that's why you're here, you might as well piss off.'

'Harry, don't talk like that, we just want to help,' Ginny said.

'You can't, this does,' Harry took another drink until he finished then grabbed another bottle, but turned his back, 'You saw him?'

Hermione, Ron, Ginny and Neville heard the change in Harry's voice, 'Yes, at Hogwarts. We thought you might have been staying there. He didn't look happy, so what happened?' Neville asked.

'Don't know, he just left,' Harry finished his next glass and poured another, 'I'm going to sleep before I find another bloke to fuck, let yourselves out,' Harry staggered past his friends and back to his room.

Hermione, Ron, Ginny and Neville followed Harry upstairs, they saw him flop onto his stomach and within seconds he was sound asleep.

'What are we going to do, how do we help him?' Ginny asked as she stared over at Harry.

'Maybe try to get him to stop drinking. But we all head back to Hogwarts soon, maybe we can talk him into going. It would stop him drinking, he couldn't leave to get any like he can here,' Neville suggested.

'It's all we can try at the moment, but we might as well go. He looks like he's going to be out for a while,' Ron sighed, but walked over and threw the cover over Harry's naked body before leaving with his friends.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter eighteen

Over the next few weeks all the friends joined together and kept badgering Harry into returning to Hogwarts. Eventually Hermione said she wouldn't return without her friend, so as the others all pretended to shop for things they might want to take with them to Hogwarts, Hermione didn't, that is when Harry finally gave in, he said he couldn't let Hermione give up her chance to get all O's in her N.E.W.T.s.

No matter what anyone said or did, Harry just kept drinking and not once did he eat anything. When the Hogwarts Express was getting close to Hogwarts, Ron went to help Harry into his robes but he refused to change, staying in his leather pants, green shirt and leather jacket, Hermione did take care of his trunk though as Harry didn't seem to worry about that or anything else. They all climbed down from the train, Ron keeping a hand on Harry's arm since he was having trouble standing. He got Harry into a carriage, then sat beside him but he looked at Hermione, Ginny, Neville, Luna, Seamus and Dean, all of them looked worried and wondered how they were going to get Harry to stop drinking all the time and just hoped that being at Hogwarts would mean since he couldn't get anymore that he would stop. But they were also worried wondering what McGonagall would say.

Neville and Dean practically had to catch Harry as he almost fell out of the carriage, then stumbled up the steps.

Minerva was talking with Rolanda when loud voices came from outside the great hall. When the staff looked up, they saw a heap of younger students running inside, but all them looked back behind them.

'What's happened?' Minerva said but she kept staring at the door as more students hurried in, then she saw Hermione, Ginny, Dean, Seamus step in but kept looking back. Finally Neville and Ron were helping Harry in who looked unsteady on his feet, in normal clothes and had sunglasses on, 'I wonder if he's ill.

'Oh fucking get off me Ron, I can walk you know,' Harry yanked his arms out of his friends which made him stumble to the floor, then all he did was lay there and laugh before Ron and Neville lifted Harry to his feet and sat him down at the Gryffindor table, 'I think I bruised my arse,' he slurred but laughed again.

'I want to bruise your head, keep your voice down,' Ron said.

'Oh lighten up W…W…Weasley,' Harry pulled a small flask out of his pocket and take a drink, 'Here, have some of that then you'll feel better.'

'I'll take that thank you Mr. Potter.'

'Oh look, it's Professor Mc…mc, you know, don't you look spiffy.'

'The flask Mr. Potter,' she held her hand out.

'Oh, okay, but I want it back, it belonged to Sirius, he liked his drink that godfather of mine, like me,' Harry went to hand the flask over, then took another drink, 'Nope, I'll keep it.'

'Mr. Weasley, Mr. Longbottom, take Mr. Potter up to the hospital wing,' she pulled the flask out of his hand.

'Hey, that's my Firewhiskey, gets me pissed, see, I'm pissed Potter.'

'Yes, I know, off you go, you're holding up the sorting ceremony.'

'Well I didn't want to be here anyway,' Harry stumbled to his feet again, then grabbed his flask back and took another drink.

'Do that again Mr. Potter, I'll bind your hands.' she said sternly.

Harry looked up and broke into loud laughter, 'You're funny Professor, I never knew that. Don't you think she's funny Nev?'

'Yeah, very funny Harry, let's go.'

'Oh don't spoil my fun, since I can't fuck anyone, I can drink.'

'Get him out of here, now,' McGonagall said stiffly then watched as Ron and Neville practically dragged Harry out of the hall before talk broke out from the other students all talking about Harry Potter being drunk. Minerva turned back to the staff table and saw Severus who looked upset, 'You might need to speak with him Severus.'

'I don't believe that will do any good.'

'You know why he's like that, so you might not have a choice.'

'I will when he's sober, I doubt it will do any good right now.'

McGonagall tapped her glass and the hall fell silent, then the first years were brought in and sorted. She welcomed everyone back then everyone started eating. She saw Ron and Neville come back, they looked up at the staff table and shook their heads and she wondered what they meant.

'Something happened, go find out Severus.'

Severus slowly got to his feet and moved towards the doors. He stepped out just as he spotted Harry stumbling towards the doors.

'You're not going back in there Harry.'

'Oh, and you think you can stop me Snape,' Harry glared, 'Go back to your potions, now get the fuck out of my way Snivellus,' he yelled.

Back in the great hall everyone stared towards the doors when they heard the yelling, then all the students looked towards the staff table as McGonagall hurried down between the tables.

'I thought you took him to see Madame Pomfrey?' she said quietly to Ron and Neville.

'We did, she gave him a sober up potion and we left, he had more in his pocket. Then he kept his wand on us. We've tried everything Professor, nothing will stop him.'

'He can't bring anymore in, so eventually he will stop. I better go help Professor Snape with him, it doesn't sound too good,' she hurried to the door and just opened them when she saw Harry's fist connect with Severus before he stormed off outside, 'Severus, are you okay?' she asked as she helped him to his feet.

'Fine, he won't listen. He did tell me he respects you, maybe you can get through to him.'

'I don't think it will work and you know why.'

'It would not have worked Minerva, I could see it, now he just has to learn to accept it.'

'He doesn't seem to be accepting it or anything else and it's been months. Aberforth has told us he is always in his pub drinking, doesn't do anything else apart from buy crates of Firewhiskey.'

'Yes, I've heard and I've also heard what else he has been doing.'

'I haven't heard anything, so tell me.'

'He's been sleeping with men, strange men, anyone that takes his fancy.'

'Does Aberforth let that happen?'

'Like he said, Harry's an adult, he can do what he wants. He doesn't live there, just picks them up, has a few drinks before taking them somewhere.'

'Yes, he is an adult, but he never had adults to raise him, not properly. I'll go see if I can get through to him, you keep an eye on the students for me.'

Severus nodded then stepped into the hall. As he was walking between the tables, Hermione stood up.

'You know why he's like this Professor, he's hurting, can't you change your mind?'

'No, I can't and that is for Harry's sake. It falls to his friends to help him,' Severus stepped around Hermione and went back to the staff table. He sat there thinking about how Harry looked, dark circles around his eyes, he'd lost weight and looked like he hasn't been taking care of himself at all. He knows Harry's hurt, he knows why, but it was for his benefit. Their relationship would not have worked, it was best to break it off completely and that's what he did and told Harry they were finished, for him to go find someone his own age. Even though he didn't look it, Severus was hurt because he loved Harry, more than anyone realised, but he'd seen how uncomfortable Harry's friends were when he was with him. They couldn't be themselves while Severus was with Harry and he thought Harry deserved better, so he was willing to break both their hearts to see that Harry got it, but seeing him now, it doesn't seem to have worked.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter nineteen

Minerva McGonagall was not able to find Harry anywhere, so she ended up back in the castle to organise the students. She shook her head at Harry's friends before sitting back down. It was only a few minutes later that Harry staggered back in and sat down next to Ron.

'Shift down,' Harry slurred then when the girl that had been sitting near them moved, Harry turned and lay down on the long seats, but kept drinking from another flask.

'How many flasks have you got?' Ron asked looking down at Harry.

'Enough,' Harry tilted his head back, 'You want some?'

'No, I'm fine and you've had enough.'

'I've never had enough.'

'Hand it over Mr. Potter,' Minerva looked sternly down at Harry, 'And sit up.'

'I'm comfortable and you took my other one, this one I keep,' Harry took another drink then slipped it inside his pocket, 'You could always search me.'

'I think Mr. Potter needs help finding his bed, make sure he does,' she flicked her wand and the flask flew out of Harry's pocket and into her hand.

'Hey, that's mine,' Harry swung himself around until he fell off the stool, 'Bruised my arse again.'

'Up you get Harry,' Ron and Neville both grabbed his arms, 'Bed, you can pass out.'

'Good, because I want to,' Harry flicked his own wand and the flask flew back at him, 'Need something to help me sleep,' Harry turned and walked away with Ron, Neville, Hermione, Ginny, Seamus and Dean hurrying after him.

The following morning everyone started their classes, everyone but Harry. He missed potions, then transfiguration before anyone saw him and that was when he staggered into the great hall at lunch time. Again he was in his normal clothes, but they were the clothes he had on the day before. He never ate just like the previous night, just sat drinking from his flask, but he also never spoke.

'He can't go on like that Severus, look at him, he hasn't eaten and all he does is drink. Ron gave me the other flask, but he still has one.'

'There's nothing I can do Minerva,' Severus got up and walked down through the tables.

'Going to play with your potions Snivellus,' Harry slurred, 'Why don't you blow yourself up?'

'Harry,' Hermione scolded then looked apologetic at Professor Snape who had winced but continued walking.

'Bastard,' Harry glared after Snape as he walked through the doors, before he got up and staggered out.

Over the next week, no matter how many flasks Ron or Neville were able to sneak away from Harry after he had passed out, he still seemed to be drinking all the time. But they also noticed he would disappear and since he had the map and cloak, they didn't think they would be able to find him or find out what he was doing.

Harry got off his bed and staggered into the bathroom, but Ron noticed something. He hurried to Harry's bed and picked up a thin tall vial that had some dark liquid it in.

'What is it Ron?' Neville asked.

'No idea, I might go get Snape to look at it.'

'I'll come with you.'

Neville and Ron left Gryffindor tower and went down to the dungeons where Snape's classroom was. They knocked and heard him call to come in.

'Mr. Weasley, Mr. Longbottom, did you want something?'

'Yeah, this fell out of Harry's pocket, we thought you might be able to tell us what it is,' Ron handed the vial over to his professor.

Severus looked at the liquid then took the stopper out and sniffed, 'Alcohol, very strong by the smell of it. I'll analyse it and see if I can identify it.'

'Do you think he bought it or made it because it's in a potions vial?' Neville asked.

'Until I analyse it, I could not say. But if I was to make a guess, I'd say he made it. Do you remember Harry buying other ingredients apart from what was on your list?'

'He bought a lot more and other potion books.'

Snape got up and went to his bookshelf and pulled one down, 'Did one look like this?'

'Yes, exactly like that Professor,' Ron nodded.

'There's a recipe in here to make alcohol, at it's pure form, very strong. I believe that is what I will find this is.'

'He's been disappearing, he's probably making it since we've found all his flask and he can't go buy anymore.'

'Yes, he has by the sound of it. Did you end up finding out where he was living?'

'Grimmauld Place, he said it suits him. We turned up just as some strange bloke was leaving, Harry didn't even know his name.'

'Leave this with me and I will let you and Professor McGonagall know what it is.'

'Thanks Professor,' Neville said then left with Ron, 'Did you see that Ron, he looked hurt when you mentioned the bloke.'

'Yeah, I saw it, so if he broke up with Harry, it wasn't because he didn't care about him. But something definitely happened to make him break up with Harry, but I have no idea what, neither does anyone else and Snape won't say.'

'If Harry's making it, there's no way we can stop him drinking.'

'Maybe he shouldn't have come back Ron.'

'I know but if we were here and he was there, we might find him dead, he tried to kill himself once before, he could have tried again. Anyway, let's get back to Gryffindor tower, tell Hermione what we found,' Ron and Neville slowly walked away not knowing Severus had been listening to them. He went back to analyse the potion but he kept thinking about what Harry's friends said, if he didn't come back, would he have kept drinking until he ended up dead. That's the last thing Severus wanted, he wanted Harry to have a normal life, with someone his own age. Now he had more thinking to do because he knew their relationship couldn't work, but Harry looked like he wasn't going to live either. Snape poured the potion into a cauldron then went about separating the different ingredients so he could identify what Harry's potion was. Even though he already knew what it was, he needed proof for Minerva.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter twenty

Severus stepped into Minerva office and handed her the vial, 'It's a potion for alcohol, it seems Harry is making his own.'

'How did you get this?' Minerva stared at the vial.

'Mr. Weasley and Mr. Longbottom brought it to me. He's not attending any classes and he keeps drinking and it looks like you won't be able to stop him.'

'No, not if he can make it. Severus, tell me what happened, it might be the only way we can help him?'

Severus turned away, 'His friends could not relax when I was with Harry, that is not the type of life Harry needs. He should find someone more his own age.'

'You still love him, don't you?'

'Yes, but it would not have worked. We all know Harry needs his friends. They stopped visiting him, they would not even meet him when he asked them to. Sooner or later he would have realised why and I didn't want to put him in that situation, for him to choose, his friends over me. Now I better go, it might be wise if Harry left,' Severus stepped through the door, closing it after him.

Minerva sighed but wrote a note, called a house elf then wait, 'You can tell how much he's hurt over this Minerva,' Albus Dumbledore said from his portrait.

'Yes, but he is a very stubborn man, nothing will change his mind if he thinks Harry will be hurt over this.'

Up in Gryffindor tower, a house elf appeared in front of Ron, 'The Headmistress asked me to give this to you Mr. Weasley.'

'Oh, thanks Winky,' Ron gave her a smile before unfolding the note then sighed.

'What is it Ron?' Hermione asked anxiously.

'She thinks Harry should leave, she wants us to pack his things and take him and his stuff up to her office so she can allow him to leave.'

'But he might keep drinking if he's alone. We can't let him be alone, so I'm going with him, I'll just pack my stuff.'

'I'm going to pack mine as well, since Harry's past out again, I might have to tell her that we'll have to wait.'

'I'll go explain that the three of us are leaving so we can watch after Harry,' Neville got up and left through the portrait hole. He knocked on the door and heard Professor McGonagall call to come in, 'Professor.'

'Mr. Longbottom, is this about the note I sent Mr. Weasley?'

'Yes, Hermione, Ron and I are leaving with Harry, he can't be alone. At the moment he's past out, so it might be a while before we can get him up here.'

'I really don't want any of you to leave, but Harry's drinking is setting a bad example to the younger students. They look at him as a hero, even now they still watch everything he does. Give me an hour, I need to speak with Professor Snape.'

'Can't you tell us why they broke up, maybe we could help in some way. Harry was happy with him, now all he does is drink.'

'Severus believed that eventually Harry would have to choose between him and all of you, that none of you were very comfortable with him being present. Harry kept getting cancellations from his friends, Severus believed it was because of him.'

Neville sighed, 'It was hard to be ourselves when he was there, he is our teacher.'

'So you were uncomfortable, was it that they were a couple or just that it was Severus?'

'Him, he's been our teacher for years and we knew he would be again. To see the way he was with Harry, their arms around each other, it was just strange. He was very nice to us Professor, always polite, it didn't have anything to do with that. See, we would often talk about stupid or silly things we got up to, say things we wouldn't say in front of any teacher. So we all had to be careful what we said when he was there.'

'Let me talk to Professor Snape, maybe we can all sit down and work this out, for Harry's sake.'

'After being this hurt Professor, I'm not sure Harry will want to trust him again. We've seen it before, if anyone did something that Harry didn't like or did something to him, then he would refuse to trust them even if he stayed friends. Like with Seamus, after that time he refused to believe Harry and Professor Dumbledore. They are friends now, but Harry doesn't tell him a lot and doesn't really spend time with him. I've noticed the same with Ron and Hermione, with Hermione he will say anything, spend time with her, but Ron, he's now a little distant with him. They explained about the huge fight Ron and Harry had when they were away. I think the only way Harry would believe he wouldn't hurt him again is if Professor Snape showed how he felt about Harry. Hermione told us that's one thing Harry wasn't looking forward to, that they couldn't show they were together when we all returned. We know it's not allowed and Harry understood, but it still upset him. But we have to do something or Ron might be right. If Harry leaves, we might find him dead, that's why we wanted to leave with him.'

'I'll talk to Professor Snape, see if I can work something out. For now, tell Ron not to pack anything until he hears from me. If I can't work something, then if you want to, you can leave with Harry. Either way Harry either leaves or he stops drinking.'

'I'll tell them Professor. But can you tell Professor Snape that we'll try to relax, be a bit more ourselves, he just might need to give us time.'

'I will mention it Neville, thank you for the information,' Minerva watched Neville leave before she turned to face Albus Dumbledore's portrait, 'I'm not sure what to do right now.'

'Neville is right though, Harry will be wary of Severus. If he was allowed to show their relationship, then he might trust him again. Ron is also right, if Harry leaves, then his friends will find him dead. He's been through too much to allow himself to go through anything else. Please think about this Minerva, Harry needs our help and compassion right now.'

Minerva nodded, sighed then left her office to speak with Severus and she just hoped that something could be done that would give them back the Harry they all knew.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter twenty one

When Neville got back to Gryffindor tower, he explained to Ron and Hermione what Professor McGonagall told him about why Professor Snape broke it off with Harry.

'So because of the way we were acting when they were together, he thought Harry would eventually be put in the position of choosing between him and us,' Hermione said sadly.

'And we did tell him we couldn't met with him a lot, we knew they would be together,' Ron said sighing heavily, 'So what do we do?'

'Professor McGonagall is talking to Snape now to try and work something out. But do you think Harry will trust him again, that he might be a bit worried that Snape could hurt him again?' Neville asked.

'He is cautious when he's been hurt or felt betrayed, so that will be hard to say Neville, I just hope something can be done. But it never even occurred to me that he might think Harry would do that, choose, but it does make sense.'

'What are you all whispering about?' Ginny asked as she joined the group.

'We found out why Snape broke up with Harry, because of us. He thought Harry would eventually have to choose between his friends and him because we stopped seeing Harry and we couldn't relax with him,' Ron shrugged.

'Well, it was strange having him there all the time knowing he was our teacher and would be again. So what do we do, try and act normally around him if he ever takes Harry back?' Ginny asked.

'McGonagall is talking to him now, so we just have to wait and see. But it's dinner time, let's go eat and hopefully Professor McGonagall will have worked something out.'

Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Neville headed down to the great hall, some of their other friends followed behind. They all sat at the Gryffindor table and started dishing up their dinner, but still talked quietly about Professor Snape and Harry, they also noticed the Professor McGonagall was at the staff table, but Professor Snape wasn't. They were half way through dinner when Harry staggered in, wobbling all over the place, even falling on a couple of girls on the Ravenclaw table.

'Sorry girls,' Harry gave them cheeky smiled, 'It's a shame I'm gay, we could have fun,' they giggled, Harry looked to the boy near them, 'Are you gay, you're cute?'

'Um, no, I'm not Harry, sorry,' the boy blushed.

'Oh well, could have been fun,' Harry staggered back towards the Gryffindor table and fell against Neville, 'Sorry Nev, can't seem to stand up.'

'It's fine, just sit,' Neville moved a bit to so Harry could sit, but he glanced up at Professor McGonagall who gave a small nod and she also smiled. Neville moved his head close to Ron, 'McGonagall smiled and nodded, maybe they worked something out.'

'Let's hope,' Ron turned back to his food just like everyone else did apart from Harry who pulled out another flask, 'Where did he get that from, I thought we took all the flask?'

As Harry started to answer and talk from other students started again, everyone turned towards the doors of the great hall. Gasps went around the great hall as Professor Snape walked in, he was in jeans and a green top, not his robes and his hair was tied back, he walked slowly towards the Gryffindor table.

'Harry,' Ron nudged Harry hard in the ribs.

'Blimey, that hurt Ron, what?'

'Look,' Ron jerked his head.

Harry slowly lifted his head and turned, 'Oh shit.'

Snape continued until he stood right behind Harry staring down at him. He took Harry's hand and pulled him to his feet.

'I'm sorry, can you forgive me?'

'Why?' Harry asked in a shaky voice.

'I think you need to explain more for me to know what you mean?' Snape smiled.

'Um, why did you leave?'

'I can explain that more in private, but I didn't think you should have to choose between me and your friends and that's where it was heading.'

'Why here, now, in front of everyone?'

'I decided we're worth it even if it means I have to leave. I lied when I said I didn't love you, I do, more than you know and I want us to try again. What do you say love?'

Harry kept staring into Severus' dark orbs, before he's lips turned up in a smile then he got surprised as Severus picked in him and made sure Harry's legs were wrapped around his waist and his arms around his neck before their lips joined to loud applause from everyone in the great hall, but also to a lot of crude and suggestive comments.

'Um, you don't think their going to shag right here in front of everyone, do you?' Neville asked laughing with Ron before he's ears went red.

Severus and Harry's lips parted, 'No, we will not Neville, that is about to happen in my private rooms.'

'Oh good, can we go now, I want to fuck you,' Harry chuckled.

'So crude Mr. Potter and as for the way you've been behaving and this drinking, expect to be punished,' Severus moved quickly until Harry was over his shoulder.

'Hey, Sev, put me down you bloody bully. I might be drunk but I can walk,' Severus slapped Harry's arse, 'Hey, that hurt.'

'I expect it would, but also expect more, so say goodbye to your friends they won't be seeing you for a long time.'

'Um,' Harry lifted his head and looked at all his friends, 'Bye,' he shrugged, then Severus strolled out of the great hall to more applause and cheers, but Harry's friend saw instantly that they had their friend back, now they had to act normally around Professor Snape, relax around him, but seeing the way he was just then, they could easily treat him as a friend when they are away from Hogwarts. Another thing they knew with certainty, no one would see Harry or Snape tonight and maybe even tomorrow. But the friends didn't care, they just wanted their friend back and now they have.

The end:


End file.
